Should I stay or go...?

[Confusedllama23]

Just looking for some advice on what to do. I spent 10 years in the Middle East, had a great career, loved my life, but it did feel a bit transient and I started to feel depressed and homesick. So I moved back to the UK 3 years ago.

Being home has been lovely, but I've had to take a huge cut in salary, and my job here is much tougher. It's been a bit of sideways move, career wise.

I'm single, and although dating has been better in the UK, I haven't met anyone. And I miss my life abroad. I miss my job and my old group of friends - they are all still living out there, with no plans to leave. Even my old boss has encouraged me to go back.

But here's my issue. I'm 41 and would like a family. I keep thinking I should just go it alone here in the UK, but I've looked into maternity pay and nursery fees (alongside IVF) and it would completely wipe out all my savings. Whereas if I move abroad again, I can comfortably afford it.

I don't really have a support network in the UK either - both of my sisters live overseas and our parents passed away some time ago.

Should I go back??

YABU - Stay in the UK, you're looking at expat life through rose-tinted glasses
YANBU - Get back out there, sounds like you had a good thing going

What happens if you move back and have a difficult recovery after birth? Who will support you? Can you afford spiralling health care costs if abroad (although if you were away for ten years do you still qualify for NHS care?)? I'm assuming if middle east based you'd have a nanny and a maid - helpful, but does the basic ethos of raising a child align with yours?

Look at the practicals. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

If you cant work can you afford to stay out there with a baby?
If your injured during birth can you afford help?
Are your healthcare costs covered?
If your child is disabled can you afford childcare then suitable schooling?

Look at the practical issues, healthcare costs and standards, matenrity pay, support or paid help in the early months, nursery fees. If that's better over there then do it if you feel it's right for you. It doesn't have to be forever in any case. I had my daughter abroad (not ME) and these things were all better here. Although education and some aspects of the culture here are not great, so we'll he looking at another move when she's older, possibly back to the UK as I still have family there.

This is my main issue. My visa etc would all be sponsored by my employer, so I'd have to stay employed in order to stay in the country. I would be entitled to maternity leave but it's not as long as over here. I suppose if there were complications that could impact my return to work. I would hire a nanny for childcare.

I would be able to afford help, yes. All health care costs would be covered.

Healthcare is much better as well

Life’s too short not to chase what you want.

If going back and having a baby’s are your dreams and practically possible then go for it.

No point regretting not doing it in a years time.

Worst case scenario - employer fires for being pregnant. I know of others who had babies though and this didn't happen. One woman her employer didnt want to pay her while she was on maternity leave, another had zero issues whatsoever. But they both had husbands.

I worry that without a partner, if somethjng goes wrong (eg I get fired and lose my work visa), I'm in a much more vulnerable position. Then again.. I don't even know if that's likely to happen, as it's illegal for a start.