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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To please ask for urgent help with urgent prohibited steps order hearing

9 replies

Solost92 · 16/11/2025 12:54

I've been on here forever and a day getting support since before I left abusive exH. Wouldn't have done it without mumsnet tbh.

We have had recurrent social services involvement since involving DS and I have now been told.to cease contact and get a prohibited steps order.

The urgent without notice hearing is Tuesday. I have little to no understanding what I'm supposed to do. It's just me, not him. Do I need to bring evidence? Alot of it is just my word. I don't have evidence of him saying he'll kill me or DS or that he'll take him away. Or what he's told DS or any of it.

Anyone who's been thorugh the process what on earth am I supposed to do?

Tia

OP posts:
BeMellowAquaSquid · 16/11/2025 12:59

A non molestation order sounds like it would have been better than a prohibited steps order. What steps are you aiming to prohibit first of all this is normally used around choosing schools or changes of names/address etc. no judge will stop contact without proof that would be completely unjust. There will be some contact you could adjust the CAO to include things but ultimately it’s only enforceable by going back to court it’s a civil thing so police will never be involved. If you are a victim of DV I’d take out a Nomo which is even more restrictive and comes with powers of arrest.

Againforget · 16/11/2025 13:04

I have now been told.to cease contact and get a prohibited steps order.

by whom?

Againforget · 16/11/2025 13:05

Solost92 · 16/11/2025 12:54

I've been on here forever and a day getting support since before I left abusive exH. Wouldn't have done it without mumsnet tbh.

We have had recurrent social services involvement since involving DS and I have now been told.to cease contact and get a prohibited steps order.

The urgent without notice hearing is Tuesday. I have little to no understanding what I'm supposed to do. It's just me, not him. Do I need to bring evidence? Alot of it is just my word. I don't have evidence of him saying he'll kill me or DS or that he'll take him away. Or what he's told DS or any of it.

Anyone who's been thorugh the process what on earth am I supposed to do?

Tia

You have extensive SS involvement

So I suggest you refer these questions to them, especially as I’m presuming it was SS who advised you to take this course of reaction rather than a mate

BeMellowAquaSquid · 16/11/2025 13:08

Also you are technically in breach of the first order if you cease contact without permission from the court.

Redshoeblueshoe · 16/11/2025 13:09

My dd got one, she was supported by the local Domestic Abuse service, they advised her what to do.

Letsbe · 16/11/2025 15:06

Child protection lawyer here _ get a letter from Children's services supporting your case. Write out what you plan to say. Hard to advise more without details.

HoppityBun · 16/11/2025 15:33

Hi, OP. Well done for getting this far.

I suggest that this afternoon you write out what it is you want a court to know.

When you have done that, go through it again and make bullet points of each of the separate issues. Take all this with you when you go to court so you remember what you want to say.

If you can, iy will be helpful to organise what you want to say into a statement. At the hearing, ask for time to organise your statement: I suggest 14 days.

Think what else do you have that an objective person would think supports your case. This means probably not letters from close relatives and friends but, as has been suggested, social care and any other organisation that has knowledge of what has happened.

In your statement, you should set out when and where your DS told you what your ex has said. Don’t add any comment but do explain the circumstances in which he told you this. Has your DS said anything to the school? Has the school said anything to you about your DS‘s behaviour?

Keep it succinct: judges don’t have a lot of time to read. Keep your paragraphs short. Be clear what you want the court to do. By this, I do not mean that you should have knowledge of legal remedies but you should be clear what outcomes you want.

I suggest that your last paragraph is a four sentence explanation of how this is affecting you and your son.

Judges are used to dealing with this sort of situation and with people in your circumstances.

It might be that the court has support from people who can assist you at court. For example, one local court I know, in fact two, had support from law students. They can’t advise you but they can help you organise your information and might be able to sit with you in court.

Solost92 · 16/11/2025 16:16

HoppityBun · 16/11/2025 15:33

Hi, OP. Well done for getting this far.

I suggest that this afternoon you write out what it is you want a court to know.

When you have done that, go through it again and make bullet points of each of the separate issues. Take all this with you when you go to court so you remember what you want to say.

If you can, iy will be helpful to organise what you want to say into a statement. At the hearing, ask for time to organise your statement: I suggest 14 days.

Think what else do you have that an objective person would think supports your case. This means probably not letters from close relatives and friends but, as has been suggested, social care and any other organisation that has knowledge of what has happened.

In your statement, you should set out when and where your DS told you what your ex has said. Don’t add any comment but do explain the circumstances in which he told you this. Has your DS said anything to the school? Has the school said anything to you about your DS‘s behaviour?

Keep it succinct: judges don’t have a lot of time to read. Keep your paragraphs short. Be clear what you want the court to do. By this, I do not mean that you should have knowledge of legal remedies but you should be clear what outcomes you want.

I suggest that your last paragraph is a four sentence explanation of how this is affecting you and your son.

Judges are used to dealing with this sort of situation and with people in your circumstances.

It might be that the court has support from people who can assist you at court. For example, one local court I know, in fact two, had support from law students. They can’t advise you but they can help you organise your information and might be able to sit with you in court.

Thank you this was super helpful.

I appreciate I didn't involve much info. Blue door are being very helpful but I got the letter Friday and my direct contact has had a bereavement and isn't back in until "maybe" Monday. Social services were very helpful in a "we can help" way and then have been slow, inconsistent and unreliable. The prohibited steps is to prevent collection from school as dad is a danger to DS. Most so now that I have done what he always threatened me not to do and "tried to take his son away from him" he is very angry.

A non mol for myslef has also been recommended but I don't get legal aid and aren't loaded so I prioritised DS.

There is a proper court hearing in January I'll get legal support for but again, not loaded, can't afford it for this one too.

I just wanted anyone who's been through it to say what was asked of them.

OP posts:
BeMellowAquaSquid · 16/11/2025 17:17

Solost92 · 16/11/2025 16:16

Thank you this was super helpful.

I appreciate I didn't involve much info. Blue door are being very helpful but I got the letter Friday and my direct contact has had a bereavement and isn't back in until "maybe" Monday. Social services were very helpful in a "we can help" way and then have been slow, inconsistent and unreliable. The prohibited steps is to prevent collection from school as dad is a danger to DS. Most so now that I have done what he always threatened me not to do and "tried to take his son away from him" he is very angry.

A non mol for myslef has also been recommended but I don't get legal aid and aren't loaded so I prioritised DS.

There is a proper court hearing in January I'll get legal support for but again, not loaded, can't afford it for this one too.

I just wanted anyone who's been through it to say what was asked of them.

A non mo is free you don’t need legal aid yoh can do it all yourself online just fill out the form, write a statement and attach a Scott schedule outlining your incidents/reasons.

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