Three DC, 11, 8 and 1. We usually spend roughly the same amount on the older two (DS3 was very new last year so hasn't really featured in Christmas traditions so far), and have always made sure numbers of presents/ pile sizes are fairly even. However, this year both the older two are aware that Santa isn't real, and I have departed entirely from the usual for what I think are good reasons. Presents are therefore very uneven in both value and number. Someone told me today she thinks I am being very unreasonable/ setting DC up for 'issues', and I'm wondering what others think?
DC1 is getting one second hand (but expensive because it is retired and sought after) Lego set. He knows exactly how much it costs because he has been obsessing about it and saving up for it for the last six months. At his current rate of saving he might be able to afford it some time in 2028, so when I saw it at a reasonable price I bought it for him. (Have checked and it is all there etc). It was much more than we would usually spend on any of them for Christmas, and cost more than double the others' presents combined. But he will love it and get an enormous amount of pleasure out of building it and taking it apart and improving it and combining it with his other sets. He also has a pile of my old Tintin books, recently rediscovered in my mum's attic, to open, some headphones which I'd bought before I saw the Lego set (and which he's asked for so he can listen to audiobooks on the way to school, so got very cheap ones as am sure he will eventually lose them 🤦🏻♀️) and a large cardboard box of crisps which he can hoard in his room where they won't be devoured by DH and DS2 before he can get to them.
Otoh DC2 is getting several items, all new (because he normally ends up with a lot of hand-me-downs from DS1 and I think it's nice for him to get new things that are specially for him). A couple he has specifically asked for, one of which is physically quite large, and there are also a few surprises I know he'll love. None of the items were particularly expensive, and all together cost at the lower end of what we would usually spend on each of them. However, it will look like a substantial pile and he will be thrilled.
DC3 is (recently) 1 and won't have a clue what is going on. He is getting some of the other two's old toys, including a wooden train set and a doll's buggy. They will be cleaned and wrapped for the occasion. I have also bought him his very own non-manky dustpan and brush because he's obsessed with mine, a couple of board books (from the charity shop but look brand new), and a large bouncy ball that flashes different colours. In total have spent slightly less than £10 on him.
The older two will also each get a stocking of small items and sweets. DS3's stocking will probably contain the board books and bouncy ball, and possibly an entire net of babybels as they are his one true love.
I think that they will all be very happy with what they get, that DS1 will realise that while he only has one big present it is an expensive one and something he has desperately wanted, and therefore will not feel hard-done-by. DS2 will also understand the expensive point to explain why DS1 has fewer presents than him, but won't be bothered as he's still very much of the 'more is more' mindset. He will love his presents and also won't feel hard-done-by. DS3, as mentioned, won't have a clue what is going on and I'm mainly wrapping things for him for my own/ the older two's amusement. I also think giving good condition second hand items makes perfect sense for both environmental and financial reasons, as long as you know the receiver won't be upset (which neither DS1 or DS3 will be).
The other person's issues with the whole thing were basically that DS1 will be upset to only have one 'proper' present, DS2 will he upset that we have spent so much more on DS1, nobody (including babies) should get secondhand or charity shop items at Christmas, and it's just not fair to spend different amounts on DC ever.
I think, given we can manage it financially, not buying DS1 what he really wants but still spending a substantial amount on random stuff he doesn't particularly want would be nuts. I think spending a lot of money buying DS2 and DS3 extra stuff they don't want or need, just so we've spent the same amount on all of them, would be nuts. I think giving £16 to Amazon or £20 to Waterstones instead of £2 to the local hospice shop, in order to end up with exactly the same books for a baby who doesn't know the difference, would be nuts!
AIBU?!