to expect dp to stay in tonight?

[LaDiDaDi]

I'm at work this weekend which means Fri, Sat, Sun 9am-10pm. On Friday night dp got my mum to look after dd as he was late from work and she was going to look after her today as dp and I were both at work.

Dp wanted to go out tonight, my parents were at a wedding this evening and dp's mum is not well so didn't want to babysit. I had asked dp that if his parents couldn't look after dd at our house then I really wanted him to stay in and look after her; I didn't want her to spent two nights in a row away from home and if she stayed away tonight I would not see her awake again until Monday am from Friday am.

I came home tonight to find bil here as dp had gone out. Apparently he had a huge row with his parents because they wouldn't (for perfectly valid reasons) babysit. He then rang bil and asked him to sit until I got home, bil agreed to this despite being at work at 5am tomorrow.

I am absolutely furious that rather than stay in he is prepared to palm dd off on bil so that he can go out. He goes out every Wednesday and saturday night as it is and this week had some drinks on Thursday night too. All I'm asking is that once every 7-8 weeks when I have to do these weekend shifts that he should stay in so that I can at least see dd in the morning before I go to work. AIBU in asking him to do this??

Sorry if there are loads of errors in this post but i'm so angry I can barely speak let alone type.

No you are not.

He needs to grow up.

YANBU

DD is his responsibility too. He should have been there with her. He shoud want to be there spending that one to one time with her!

ynbu at all what is so important that he had to go out again?

he goes out twice a week and he's miffed that he misses one of those nights?

no, YANBU.

what lgj said.

Yes, that's what I think.

At 6pm he texted me to say "thanks for ruining my weekend" I texted back "grow up" and I can't be bothered to try to respond to him further.

Obviously I'm having a fucking fantastic time at work with responsibility for very sick patients and not seeing dd , oh and having a 12year old for a partner.

Was it a special occasion night or just an 'I fancy a night out' night. If the latter, YANBU at all

I'm so pleased to come on here because honestly all I weant to do is scream "wanker" but he's not here to scream at and doing it would only wake dd up anyway!

No special occasion that he has told me about.

How have you ruined his weekend? How?

Feck knows how.

he's lucky he's not my 'partner'.

because he'd have come home to find his stuff in black bags on the kerb with a note, 'Thanks for ruining my life. No more.'

seriously, i just don't get people like him. i really don't.

You shouldn't even have to bring up a parent's responsibility to look after his own child's coming before a night out, much less nag or row about it.

It's a non-issue on the Planet Maturia.

He has much to learn.

If it wasn't too much effort at this time of night I'd be seriously tempted to do that expat, really I would. I feel completely at the end of my tether.

No, I don't get people like that either.
Its Saturday night, neither of us is working and we are both in, with the children asleep upstairs.
If anyone goes out on a weekend its usually me just round to a friends house.

If your dp goes out twice a week and you want him to be at home every 7th or 8th Saturday, hmmm thats one in 15 nights out that you are asking him to miss, for the sake of his daughter.

Selfish pig!

Not surprised you are feeling end of tether-ish given you've just worked three 11 hour shifts

No, two down and one to go!

He sounds so immature. I had an ex-p like this and eventually I dumped him.

I had a very lucky escape - he had a dd with his new partner, but was apparently "too busy" to attend the birth as agreed, I believe he was "wetting the baby's head" before he had even met her. then went AWOL for 3 days before seeing the baby.

Seriously I work awful shifts too, and I could no way do it without 100% commitment from my dh. It is very rare for him to go out when he has the dds, partly for the reasons you give. When I come home I want to relax with my dh, not pay off the babysitter. And I definitely have to see my dds in the morning if I missed out on bedtime.

too right, themoon, and with a partner who's less mature than many 16-year-olds.

Thanks everyone. It's surprisingly helpful to hear that others think that your dp is being a selfish twat .

I'm going to try to read a book and wind down for bed now or I'll not be able to get to sleep because of my anger and then I'll be in an even worse mood for work tomorrow.

Expat.. are you tanned-looking?

Sleep well, I sympathise. Can be very hard to wind down after long shifts, particularly with another early start at the week end.

Get some wine ready for tomorrow night.

themoon, i am looking BRONZE!

especially my legs.

Had a long chat with dp last night.

I am very hopeful that there will be some real changes from now. He is aware that I won't put up with his previous behaviour any longer.

Bizarrely he suggested that we should get married but I pointed out that I wanted him to grow up not for me to end up married to a Kevin the teenager.

Thanks for listening to me.

YANBU.