AIBU to turn down a trip away with a work colleague

[Beautyintheeyes]

AIBU?? So basically I’ve made friends with a male work colleague who mentioned we should meet outside of work for a double date with my husband and hang out as we sound like we’re similar and his partner has struggled to make friends and it would be nice and I totally agreed! However, I find I get overwhelmed very easy in social settings and I can only manage a few hours out before I’m knackered and just need to climb back in my nest to reset. A couple a days before before meeting I mentioned we were looking for a small trip away me & my DH and at the time my male colleague jumped on about coming but you know how you have these conversations and it’s like a suggestion and it either goes through or not so you’re like yeah yeah I’m sure that would be good? Like seeing people at events and being like we should hang out more and you know you never do? (I don’t know if I’m explaining that correctly) well since this conversation (less than a week ago) they’ve booked time off and are pretty keen on getting it locked in asap and I’m like Jesus it was only a couple of days ago and it’s not even been Christmas! Since booking the time off my male colleague has said no backing out now for any reason and if anything I feel trapped!! My DH doesn’t want to go on this trip and I’m stuck, I hate saying no since his gf cry’s about having no friends 🫣🥹 I don't know what to do. I feel bad, and the thought of upsetting people literally hurt me I hate it! What do I do?

Oh my God you do not owe these people friendship or holidays.

Tell them you and your DH decided you’re not doing a trip. And back away from them!

Yeah seriously. Just say you’ve spoken to your hubby & you’ve decided (jointly) not to go away. As old Bob use to sing “You can please some people sometime but you can’t please all the people all the time”.

You owe these people absolutely nothing.

There's a huge difference between going to the bar / coffee shop for a drink that is for a couple of hours, and a weekend or even a night away!
'My husband and I won't be going on an overnight etc weekend with you both. Hope you have a lovely time!'
Arrange to go to the cinema together and for a drink beforehand. Then after the cinema you need to get home for the babysitter/dogs. That way, you've done the 'double date' and honoured what you said.
This man needs to realise that you are not his work wife. He's not in charge of your time outside of work and needs to realise that.

Hi WC, DH and I have decided that we need some time downtime together, just us, so we're not up for a joint trip with you guys. Maybe see you and Jane next Friday for dinner at x?

Sounds like he likes you to me

Time to grow a backbone or he'll be moving in with you next!

It’s all a bit quick and he seems pushy. Just tell him you and your DH have discussed going away again aren’t looking to go away any time soon. No needs to be a full sentence. You don’t need to justify this decision. I know this can be easier said than done though.
do you and DH want to socialise with this couple out of work? If you do then arrange something simple. I think it’s strange to go away with a couple that you don’t really know that well or in the case of your partners, at all.

We’ve only ever been on one outing which was after the whole let’s go away situation! I know I need a backbone, I’ve had to go to confidence therapy a while back because I generally struggle to not people please, I’m forever putting their feelings above mine. I just thought it was strange, I’ve not been on holiday with friends I’ve had for years let alone a work colleague which I’ve only known since July!