Why does society tell us to be kind when most people are about themselves and their own family/friends?

[KeenTaupeDog]

Right, I know this is going to sound cynical, but I had one of those days and it really hit me how much of the whole “be kind” narrative feels like a performance.
Everywhere you go — schools, workplaces, social media, bloody cereal boxes — it’s “Remember to be kind!” as if we’re all living in a John Lewis Christmas advert. But in real life? Most people are laser-focused on themselves and maybe their partner/kids if you’re lucky.

Case in point: I was on the bus this morning, juggling bags, half-awake, and some bloke shoved past me like I was invisible. Five minutes later he’s on his phone loudly telling someone how important it is to “raise compassionate children”. Right. Sure, mate.

Then in the office we had one of those corporate wellbeing sessions about kindness and “bringing your whole self to work”, but the same colleagues pushing it are the ones who conveniently “forget” to reply when you need help, or suddenly go silent when something might require actual effort from them.

I’m not saying people are evil. They’re just… tribal. They care about their people and that’s it. Which is fine! Human nature! But I can’t be the only one who feels like society gaslights us with this “be kind to everyone all the time!!” nonsense when the reality is that most people’s kindness ends at their own front door.
AIBU to feel like we’re being sold an idea that literally no one lives by?

I get what you are saying but you can still be kind and not agree with other people who aren't. That man was obviously rude but it wouldn't stop me holding the door for someone behind me in the future

We are all different of course and I am definetly wear my heart on my sleeve type of person but I think I'd rather continue on believing in good karma than become cynical. I understand where you are coming from though.

The world is just so competitive, people push others down in a desperate attempt to elevate themselves and it has become a society where throwing others under the bus for your own benefit is pretty normal behaviour.

I do not need to be told to be kind. Most of the time I am but agree 95 % seem to be or are unkind. Until very recently I was unaware of how jealous people can get of other people achievements. Also, how some people who achieve good things use it to make others feel bad about themselves. It is really a mostly unkind world.

I had some unkind old man, asked if I could move and hurry up, I explained I had Parkinson’s, no understanding, all on a mon morning.
Def what it didn’t need

There are plenty of kind people in the world but that doesn't mean they're going to be kind 24/7.

As for the corporate shite, well no-one really chooses to do that. It's something that's forced upon workers.

Interestingly, I think most people believe they are kind and that it's everyone else that's the problem.

Be kind makes me reach for the sick bucket

I find the people who are the #bekind people usually actually mean “be kind to me” and spout utter codswallop! Annoys me to death. I’m with you op

The whole be kind thing is a load of rubbish and seems to usually only be expected of women and girls who end up people pleasing and not being able to say no.

I don’t directly harm anyone but I look after myself and my loved ones now after years of being kind just allowed people to take advantage, I tell kids to look after themselves first.

It’s only the crappiest people that need to be told to be kind, and they are the ones that habitually don’t listen, they prefer shouting.

I’ve found that the kind of people who push this are only interested in people being kind to them. And that usually involves you bending over backwards to accommodate some pretty selfish and demanding behaviour which you’re expected to not name for what it is.