To want a fresh start and to cut contact?

[lhavetoask]

I’m in my 20s. I went through a rough year and am slowly getting back on my feet. I faced sexual harassment at work, lost my job as company closed rank, and frantically had to find a new job to pay bills (I have my own place/live alone). It was very stressful. I had a good career which ended overnight.

I went through a period of having no income. I have been able to get a job on more than I was on before, so hopefully I’ll be able to bounce back soon. I would say this has been the most challenging time of my life. Really impacted my self esteem etc.

Anyway, throughout this my friends/family weren’t supportive. Whilst they felt what happened to me was not right, some friends ghosted me, others made me feel embarrassed and ashamed of not having a new job sooner. My parents in particular don’t believe stress or feeling anxious is real, so they were of the opinion that I just need to “be happy” and that I have no reason to feel upset or stressed. It was like an additional set of pressure on top of everything else.

Aibu to just want to move away? I feel there’s nothing keeping me where I currently live, I don’t feel I have a good support system here as my friends/family essentially left me to fend for myself and I have lost trust in them.

YANBU they don't sound very supportive. Weigh up the stress of moving away and starting again with staying and feeling unsupported.

Oh OP, poor you - it sounds like you've been through the mill, but thankfully are on the up.

Big events like this really show you who's got your back and can be really disappointing. If you feel like a move would be good for you, go for if. You definitely do need to reasses youd circle.

Yes, move away and start afresh with a new job and friends.

But cutting contact with your parents based on what you have written is a bit cruel. Some of the older generation just don't get anxiety and stress. I have never had an ounce of emotional support from my very elderly Mum but it's just how she is.

Have a fresh start, but also remember you can’t make old dogs learn new tricks. Your parents are who they are. Their inability to understand doesn’t make them malevolent. They still love you in the way that they know how. There’s no need for any dramatic moves.

You don't have to move away to start again.

But YANBU to want to seek out some new friends. Think about changing social activities to meet more people.

Then just slowly cut ties with the old people and move on.

I think it sounds really sensible, you don’t have to move away to make new friends but you can! Especially in your 20’s.

You have had a traumatic experience and it’s understandable that you want to start again rather than to hide in it’s shadows, I would recommend therapy as well though. Not just for the sexual harassment but the being unsupported by those around you.

Yes, if you need to distance yourself from them, you can. You have new, better paid job. Moving to a new area that makes the commute shorter would be a good reason to create some space. Perhaps you need a year or two to develop your self- confidence and resilience, so you don't have any residual shame or self-doubt from what happened.

Imo, I'd go low-contact not no-contact with family. Unless they are actively malign, it is less stressful. Don't initiate anything but if they call, have a quick, cheerful chat and don't share much info. if they want to meet, suggest a neutral place with a fixed time - like seeing a film or concert, or going for afternoon tea somewhere that is busy and shoves you out after an hour or two.

With friends, I think it's fine to fade out of their lives and take time to find friends who are more supportive. But also, find therapy groups or a counsellor to help you process what happened, so you don't feel the need to use friendship to offload.

I think it is true that you realise who your true friends are and who really cares about you when you go through hard times.

I would suggest distancing yourself from anyone who not only let you down but also made you feel even worse with their comments and actions.

Moving away would help with a fresh start and give you a good reason to see less of the people, including family, who disappointed you with their lack of empathy and support.

You were sexually harassed at work and the company responded by sacking you?

You need to take legal action against the company before you do anything else. It will fund any move away

Thanks everyone for being so kind.

To be honest I’m not sure if the ship has sailed on this. I went off sick due to the stress and never returned, as after I went off sick the company immediately rehired for my role and ceased communicating with me. They never carried out any attendance management or fired me, just literally ceased engaging even with ACAS mediation.

You usually get about three months from the termination date

I haven’t been terminated though, that’s the odd thing. It’s totally stuck in limbo.

I would definitely get advice on this asap to see where you stand in that regard

Thank you, ahh I wish I had the headspace to do this! I started my new job this week and have just been trying to do a good job with that.

You don’t need to move away to build a new social circle and supportive friends.

I think you're right to step away from these people and to move away if that's right for you. I'm really sorry for what you're going through and that you haven't been supported.

Thank you both!

I’m having a slight change of heart. One of the friends who ghosted me has got in touch, and I kind of feel it might be nice to see her & celebrate my new job? But I don’t know if I’m mugging myself off by engaging with her specifically.

I started a new job this week which is going well (night and day difference/better environment than old workplace). But I think I’m more set than ever on moving away now that I have a decent income again, just feels like a life goal that isn’t going to go away unless I do it.