To think about the women who want to breastfeed but have sad nipple syndrome?

[RisenWhine]

I feel like I omen who don’t breastfeed get a lot of wrath recently. Of course, breastfeeding is the ultimate form of feeding your baby..

I tried, I managed about 3 weeks with each of my children but I have sad nipple syndrome, I hate my nipples being touched, even the initially feeling of my bra against them in the morning fills me with dread and makes me stomach churn. So I found breastfeeding really hard and I quit after a few weeks because baby being latched just made me feel sick to my stomach and awful..

I often read posts from women who tell other women that they didn’t try hard enough, should have got support, should think about their child’s future more ect. It’s bordering on shaming them for giving up or not breast feeding. I got called neglectful in a group when I shared that my BF journey came to an end after a short period.

An extreme majority of women are given the necessary information to know that breast feeding is the gold standard, and I don’t think it’s ever a choice made lightly. But we still get shit for it and it makes me sad for those women, for me.

Im pro-breastfeeding in any circumstance. But im not one to judge if question when someone doesn’t.. and I feel like asking as women are well informed of their choices, we should take our noses out of their business.

Who exactly tells women they didn’t try hard enough and they’re not thinking about their baby’s future?
Where are you seeing this?

I'm so sorry you were called horrid names in your group, that's appalling.
Breast feeding grief is a thing, and you should be allowed to feel sad that it didn't work for you.

Big hugs.

I was told this by an NCT breastfeeding ‘supporter’ Evil bitch.
They “support women’s choices” as long as those choices are giving birth in the garden and breast feeding all day

Health visitors
Mumsnet
Other social media

for a start. The people who say these things are someone’s friends and family too, so some people will hear it from friends and family.

I'm sorry it didn't work out and I hope you get supported with those feelings. Anything that doesn't work out as we hoped can be disappointing, that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your next steps but its ok to be sad. However I think you'll be fine here. I find MN very pro formula and any 'shaming ' comments are rare. Maybe if people post specific questions they're advised to stick with it but mostly the pro formula posts are in the majority in my experience. Congratulations on your baby !

I struggled with breastfeeding massively, too. Managed six (hellish) weeks with DC1 and 3 weeks with DC2. For me, it was horrific mastitis both times and an infected abscess with DC2, but I also didn’t particularly like my breads/nipples being touched either and then the pain I experienced and the fear of pain every time I fed compounded it.

I did feel a sense of judgement from a few other mums and a Heath Visitor when I stopped breastfeeding my first (no direct criticism, but a lot of faux concern - ‘are you sure you want to stop, it’s such a shame’ etc) but I had no fucks left to give with my second.

They’re teen/adult now and you do get better perspective on these things when you have some distance from it. It really, really doesn’t matter in the bigger scheme of things. The vast majority of mothers do their very best for their babies however that works out, and people that judge women over this kind of thing are arseholes.

I couldn't breastfeed and felt extremely judged. I'm not sure whether I really was though. I made myself sick by pumping and washing bottles when I should have been sleeping too.

The health visitors did push propaganda at that time, things like if you breastfeed for 2 years your child is more likely to go to uni, written by someone who doesn't understand the difference between correlation and causation.

I'm sorry you felt judged and criticised. I still feel uncomfortable now 16 years on, if people ask whether I breastfed.

If the group you're in gives you shit for formula feeding, you should leave that group if possible. While some get vocally rabid during that stage, very few are going to care if a child was breast, formula, or mix fed once you're out of it.

Mothers will get a lot of shit whatever we do, especially with babies. It's not recent, it's just seen mainly in spaces that we only see when we're in that stage of life and we're more likely to see the bile that is related to us. As more mothers in the UK formula feed, there will more stories of mothers getting shit for that.

Mothers who breastfeed also get shit - even before my first was born over twenty years ago, discussing considering it got a bunch of remarks about how I probably won't be able to, how it's disgusting, and how mothers who do it for more than a few months (and to some, those who do it at all) do it for sexual reasons. When my first was born, we were kept in hospital longer and he was repeatedly subjected to heel prick tests (which I never got the results to) to determine if he was feeding okay, something I was directly told was only because I was breastfeeding, that if I gave him formula that they wouldn't need to do it. I was told repeatedly that I was the only mother on the ward doing it and that it was really unneeded.

I remember around when my second was born and there was a study trying to help mothers near me breastfeed for longer with additional support and vouchers for breastpumps for women who volunteered to take part because they wanted to breastfeed, and some women were vicious, claiming those largely working class women were only doing it for money and if they really wanted to do breastfeed, they'd be willing to hand pump into the bags, and that it was a waste of money and somehow helping these women to breastfeed was shaming those who chose to use formula. Mothers can't win, resources to help mothers can't win.

Thankfully this tends to lessen as kids get older though online, everything can be turned into ragefest.

If it helps you to discuss the sensory issues around your chest as 'sad nipple syndrome', go for it, I'm not sure in general pathologising rather than normalizing sensory issues is helpful. I also don't think it's helps to act like choosing to formula feed one's child is an agonizing choice that 'no one takes lightly' - plenty choose it quite merrily because that's what they want -- and that's fine. I think we get into 'mind your business' by pulling the drama out of it - I don't think it will ever go away entirely, people have strong emotions around babies, but there are choices we make for our little ones that aren't so inflamed, and even less so when not in spaces that are vocally about there being only one right way.

It’s a shame you didn’t get better support because the reaction is common and you can get past it in most situations, by 6 weeks most women are able to cope with the latch. There’s no official diagnosis btw but it’s connected to many issues around hormonal changes.

I have no issues with those who formula feed by the way unless they a. Complain constantly about the cost b. Complain about how much work it is and even more c. Seem to think the taxpayer should be providing them with baby formula. Unless it’s for medical reasons, it’s a choice, your choice just don’t then complain. What we do need is far better support (both professional and peer group) support about feeding and clear information on the true cost of formula feeding for a year, I’ve spoken to mums who had no idea just how costly it would be plus how inconvenient it is but by the time they realised they had no milk of their own

I understand. I couldn't breastfeed my 4th baby because of his disabilities and I had so many comments from other mums and even a paediatrician about how I should be trying harder. In the sterilising room in the maternity unit there were posters everywhere saying breastfeeding is best. I also had a breastfeeding peer supporter laugh at me and say she didn't realise my baby was actually a calf when I told her in our situation bottle feeding was best.

Personally I found bottle feeding an absolute nightmare because my baby always wanted to be fed at the exact time I had to set off to pick my older 2 up from school with milk at the precise temperature he liked. I always tried to feed him a bit before but he refused to drink any. I breastfed my others and it was so much easier.