TW stillbirth

[ThisIsHurt]

My beautiful baby girl was born sleeping last week at 39+2 weeks. The cord was wrapped around her neck and there was nothing they could do. I feel devastated, numb, sorrow. Most of all I feel anger. I understand I am grieving but more than anything I’m feeling angry. Mostly as dp.

I had a difficult pregnancy. I’m older and had a previous preemie birth so was high risk. Spent most of the pregnancy in and out of hospital. Weekly check ups etc. I tried so hard to do everything right. Dp’s been a bit shit if I’m honest. Not very present. The week before the birth, my friend sent me pics of him on a dating app. I was so upset. I cried so much and was actually sobbing. I was supposed to be taking it easy but I was so upset and then 3 days later; I went into labour

Aibu to blame him. I can’t get over this. I appreciate it’s all very recent and I’m clearly grieving. But I hate him. I’m so angry and I feel like it is all his fault. And I dont know how to stop feeling like that.

im so sorry this whole op is all over the place. Im a complete mess right now and haven’t slept properly in days

I am so sorry, you have been through hell. Him being on a dating app and your natural upset at finding out didn't cause her stillbirth but your anger at him is completely understandable. Do you have any support at all?

I am just so sorry, what you’ve been through is beyond awful. I’m sure there are people who love and care for you, lean on them as much as you can. I would be angry in your shoes too, but your priority has to be your own recovery from such an awful traumatic event. If you can access counselling that would be a big help. Once again, I am so so sorry.

I am so sorry. What a horrible, devastating thing to happen. Do you have support from your mum, sisters, friends? I would lean on them for a while and don't make any major decisions yet. I am so, so sorry this happened. I hope you get chance to grieve properly amid the turmoil.

I am so so very sorry for your loss. It wasn't caused by your partners awful behavior, but it makes sense that you feel so mad at him. Do you have support around you?

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl. This is such a dark time for you. To make matters worse you’ve been betrayed by the one person you should be able to trust and lean on. I don’t see how you can do anything other than go through hell at the moment.
Please look after yourself, you haven’t don’t anything to bring on this tragedy, there was nothing else you could do. All you can do now is lean on others for support and be open about how you are doing.

But I would never forget or forgive this betrayal. Never.

I’m so so sorry OP. I lost my first baby at 39+5 (total placental abruption).
The pain and grief is like nothing else. I hope you are resting to get over the birth and have care and support from family and friends.
Leave the issue of your partner for the moment until you have had time to be able to “put one foot in front of the other”.
Nothing that you did contributed to her death. Nothing. I wish I could hug you and let you cry and scream and rage (you do need to do all that).
And I’m sorry your partner is such a pig.
You are having such a horrible time- has the hospital put you in touch with anything like bereavement counselling or support group? I found a bereavement counsellor via a hospice - things got so bleak for me after my baby’s death that I can safely say that counsellor saved my life.

How awful. You are grieving and need to take any help offered and ask for it too.

Your partner is a separate issue. He needs to go.

I do have support. My family live in another country but I’m very close to his mum who lives nearby. She’s been over every day looking after me. I’ve been discharged from hospital now after staying 2 nights. I just can’t talk to her about this. I do have close friends. My best friend is actually flying over to stay with me today for 2 weeks. I moved to his country to be with him.

I can’t even look at him. They said that she has most probably been gone for a few hours and I didn’t even notice she wasn’t kicking. I was so shocked and caught up in my own grief about what he’d done that I didn’t even notice she hadn’t moved

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your feelings of anger is more than understandable. However his shitty actions did not cause your little girl passing. Yes blame him for ruining your relationship and being a cheating scumbag and be as angry as you want with him about that he more than deserves it but don't be angry with him about something he had no control over.

I’m so sorry op. I can relate to your post. I lost my baby girl at 38 + 4 in 2021. It was very traumatic and I’d had a difficult pregnancy and also felt my dh brought stress to our relationship throughout.

it’s all very raw for you right now but in time it may help you to have counselling to rid yourself of any resentment if you wish to continue your relationship. It will take time and I’m sure you know that there is a long road ahead of grief and many more feelings to deal with.

if you ever wish to pm me you can.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
could you perhaps get the doctor to prescribe something to help you sleep? How’s your other child doing?

I'm very very sorry OP. I can only imagine your pain. When you're ready, try to engage with the support groups available. You will however need to ignore the sperm donor for now, it wasn't his fault but it sounds as though he is adding to your grief. Are you able to take a break from the environment and him for a while. Consider a retreat. There are some lovely ones around that offer silent meditation in beautiful settings. Take your time my love 💓 ❤️ 😍

Thank you so much much. I’m so sorry for your loss. I have previously had a late miscarriage at 21 weeks but this is something else altogether. The grief is overwhelming right now and I can’t see past my own anger and resentment which I know deep down is not helping me move forward. I feel like I can’t breathe. I am going to spoke to my gp on Monday and get some help as I am fully aware that I need it.

My other children are ok. Very sad and very worried about me but they’re older and able to manage their feeling better. They do not know anything about dp. It’s so hard for me having to pretend like we’re ok in front of them.

I’m so very sorry op. Huge hugs to you. I lost my baby at 24 weeks and it was the worst thing to happen. It took me years to even speak about. I understand your pain. I’m so sorry about finding about your dp.

can you go back to your home country when you feel a little better? You need to be where your support system is.

when your friend gets here, please tell his mum everything. She needs to know what a POS he is.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't dealt with baby loss but I have dealt with a betrayal and I can't imagine going through that with the loss of a baby simultaneously. You are amazing for even engaging in a forum asking for advice and help at this time.x

@ThisIsHurt heartfelt sympathies, this is the hardest sort of loss, unbearable.
All I can say from experience is to focus on your other children and your own physical healing right now. Just deal with one day at a time. You clearly can't depend on your partner and realistically you will probably never be able to forgive his behaviour, so don't waste energy on that now. Get as much support as you can from others and be very kind to yourself. So sorry for your loss.

Hey Op, firstly, I'm so sorry. My twin boys died the week they were born 2 years ago. My first twin was stillborn and his brother died in the NICU a few days later. I know the pain you are feeling. It was a complete shock for us too, theres no words for it. You are so numb and lost.

Let me reassure, it's a terrible tragedy. The grief you are feeling is normal, I was so broken and angry. The issue with your dp on the app is a seperate shitty thing he should be absolutely ashamed off and its something you'll need to address.

But right now, you are just surviving day by day. It's so early in your grief journey. Have you been contacted by your bereavement team in the hospital. Use every resource they give you. Again, I'm so bloody sorry. There isnt a day I dont think of my beautiful sons. Please reach out if you need to. I'll be thinking of you and your precious daughter. 🩷🩷 you are a strong incredible person and you deserve the support.

Thank you to everyone for your messages of support. I honestly feel so lost right now and have been reading post after post on this forum to try and save what little sanity I have left