DM and her lingering boyfriend.

[FedUp120028]

Just that really, she's got a new boyfriend and he's just ALWAYS there. He's still married, barely 5mins out of separation and she was friends with his wife. Kids too, albeit teenagers.

She's even ditched her her grandchildren (my kids) and the rest of the family for Christmas Day to spend it with him instead. I mean it doesn't surprise me at all, as this just her all over to be honest. Just finding her all bit icky now.

I’m you, 30 years later. It’s no better, but now they are both seemingly amazed that most of their (seperate) children want nothing to do with either of them?

I cannot see my DM without him being there, I cannot speak to her on the phone if it’s not on speaker so he can hear. I’ve never been “invited” to their house.
The only benefit I can find is that they showed me very clearly what not to do as a parent/step parent.

I cannot speak to her on the phone if it’s not on speaker so he can hear.

That is so WEIRD!
Does that seem remotely normal to either of them?

Erghhh I'll probably be the same but at least mum will be nearly 90 😅

What’s the AIBU question? It’s not ideal and I can understand your discomfort at what seems to be impulsive and selfish behaviour. What do you want to ask though?

Yeah I realise I forgot to actually ask.

What do I do? Just let her on with or would I be unreasonable to just take a,step back from her?

Step back, she'll be wrapped up in him anyway. You're safe from having him around at Christmas.

Have never understood speakerphone calls unless you're actual friends with/related to both the people on the other end.

I don't understand women like your mum, sorry.

I'd take a big step back for a bit.

It must seem normal to them? It’s all very weird I agree, but I have long since given up on trying to understand any of it. We are all different but I absolutely do not treat my own DC/DSC that way, ever.

Yes I think I will, just really starting to notice how after my dad, her men always came first.

It's not quite the same, but after my mum died, my late dad found a new partner. They were elderly and had no plans to move in together or marry, as they only lived round the corner from each other and were really too old to move. However. He INSISTED that she was part of the family and he always had to bring her to EVERYTHING. It meant that we could never just be a family and remember Mum. His new partner always had to be there. And it didn't help that she never, ever shut up, talked total drivel, and sounded like Janet Street-Porter. And if I did ever manage to catch him on his own, he talked about her endlessly. When I'd phone him while she was there, I couldn't have a conversation because she'd chime in the whole time.

I have been there with an in-love parent who shoves their new partner relentlessly down your throat. It's fucking awful. You have my sympathies.