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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I sensible or a cow?

10 replies

MiserableMrsMopp · 14/11/2025 21:06

I'm still friends with my ex. Been over about 5 years now but as our families are intertwined we see each other weekly and are very sociable.

We see each other at Christmas, spend time together and give gifts. However, even when we were a couple his gifts were crap, unless I told him what I wanted. Not cheap crap, just nothing like I'd ever use.

Now we're not a couple, he's still buying me crap. I don't bother with the personal gifts anymore. I get a few bits for him that I know he'll like. He's already told me what I'm getting this year. It's similar to last year's gift that I never use, except more costly. Just to be clear, I do usually spend more on him than he does on me, but mine are practical and I know they're used.

I honestly just want to tell him not to bother. At my age, I don't really want stuff from anyone. My family know this and are OK with it. I'm happy with basics, like socks, food, bottle of bubbly, nice smellies etc. But if I tell him not to bother, he'll be insulted. It feels like a lose / lose situation. He's either wasting his money or he's insulted.

Sensible - YANBU
Cow - YABU

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/11/2025 21:12

Either its time to suggest neither of you exchange gifts anymore, or you give me a list (appropriate to your budgets) and tell him you can choose anything from that list.

MiserableMrsMopp · 14/11/2025 21:14

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/11/2025 21:12

Either its time to suggest neither of you exchange gifts anymore, or you give me a list (appropriate to your budgets) and tell him you can choose anything from that list.

He wouldn't want to stop gift giving. He enjoys it. I'm less keen but then, I'm a possible cow!

OP posts:
Childrenofthestones · 14/11/2025 21:15

What DPO says 👆👆👆👆

vincettenoir · 14/11/2025 21:18

Get him something simple to reduce any resentment from your side about his dissatisfactory gift. And steer him towards one of the gifts you said you would like.

It sounds like you are not happy with the current dynamic but you need to recognise you are playing your own part in it.

Droox · 14/11/2025 21:23

Say you'd prefer to stop exchanging presents - you've got all you need, having a clear out or whatever.

No need at all to phrase it as "don't bother". Anyone would be insulted by that but why would you go about it that way?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/11/2025 21:47

He wouldn't want to stop gift giving. He enjoys it. I'm less keen but then, I'm a possible cow!

Give him a list then. Just say youre trying to reduce 'stuff that you dont want' so here's some things you actually do want.

Channel your inner cow. Tell him.

MiserableMrsMopp · 14/11/2025 22:06

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/11/2025 21:47

He wouldn't want to stop gift giving. He enjoys it. I'm less keen but then, I'm a possible cow!

Give him a list then. Just say youre trying to reduce 'stuff that you dont want' so here's some things you actually do want.

Channel your inner cow. Tell him.

LOL I do like your style.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 14/11/2025 22:11

Honest question: why do either of you bother?

Hoipers · 14/11/2025 22:14

You are not a cow.
He is a twat.
Give him a list or a cease and desist!

nomas · 14/11/2025 22:29

Get him a really crap gift. Of course he’s going to keep wanting to do it if you buy him stuff he uses!

What about this Lynx Jungle Gift Set?

Currently £4.50 on offer.

https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/321760513

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