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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not so sure on partners mother looking after our 11 month old daughter

14 replies

arabellasmumclare · 07/06/2008 21:37

my partners mum is young and i dont really trust her with arabella what should i do? someone help im only 20

OP posts:
beansprout · 07/06/2008 21:40

You are not obliged to let anyone else look after your kids. If you are not comfortable, that's fine!

bozza · 07/06/2008 21:40

??? Don't understand what her age has to do with it. Surely she is older than you....

minouminou · 07/06/2008 21:40

she brought your partner up alright, didn't she?
or do you have concerns there?

youngbutnotdumb · 07/06/2008 21:40

Ok am 21 so not so much a gap.

Im assuming that ur partner is not Arabella's dad? Do u know his mum well enough to trust her?

minouminou · 07/06/2008 21:41

will this be the 1st time anyone's looked after arabella? do you think this fact could be making you feel nervous?

Original poster
arabellasmumclare · 07/06/2008 21:57

well yes my partner is her dad so that makes it harder and its not just his mum its his nan too i disagree with both their parenting ways and it feels like if i let either of them look after arabella they won't keep to the routine we've established

OP posts:
Original poster
arabellasmumclare · 07/06/2008 22:00

no its not the fisrt time anyone's had bella my mum was having her from 3 months old and its over a weekend period
so ive no issue of letting her go only to his side of the family

OP posts:
findtheriver · 07/06/2008 22:02

Like beansprout said. No reason why your partner's mother should look after her. She is you and your partner's dd.

HappyMummyOfOne · 08/06/2008 09:11

What does your partner think? From his point of view you're saying his family are not capable of looking after his daughter yet are quite willing to let your family have her for the weekend.

If he agrees with you, fair enough but if he doesnt then it may lead to resentment and future problems.

I dont think your partners mums age has anything to do with it, if she has an adult child she is obviously far older than you and already has the experience of raising a child to adulthood.

bubblagirl · 08/06/2008 09:20

the whole point of someoen else taking them is to have other than normal established routine change of routine for 1 night does no harm for a child

i think maybe there is something underlying with your issues as you let your mum look after dd does she follow routines to the dot

age has no difference if she is childs nanny why shouldnt she get same rights as your mum

but then if your not comfortable you need to work out what makes you uncomfortable change in routine would not harm child is she at risk in any other way or do you just prefer your own mum looking after her?

i would think as her nanny his mum would do nothing to harm her she must have done a good job with her own child and guess would love some quality time with her grandchild

but its up to you

dirtylilminx · 08/06/2008 09:25

arabellasmumclare, im 21, is this your 1st baby? I have 2 lo's, I feel uncomfortable at my partners mum looking after my baby girl, dont know if its because they smoke or its just me. If your partners mum is insisting, just tell her that you don't want to trouble her or say she shes being a bit of a problem at night, but remember do what makes you feel comfortable as a mum. x

WigWamBam · 08/06/2008 09:31

Have they told you that they will go against your routines and your parenting choices, or are you assuming that they will?

Talk to them. Reinforce that this is the way you are bringing your daughter up, and ask for their support. Let them know that you understand that they feel differently, but this is the way you are chosing to deal with things and you would like it if they would stick to the routines you are using.

Isn't it better to discuss these things?

lulumama · 08/06/2008 09:34

don;t see what your partner's mum being young has to do with it, you are 20 and no doubt doing a good job, this woman i must be in her 30s.

don;t worry about routines being ignored for a night or two, childrne are remarkably adaptable

if it was something like they would be drinking a lot, to the point of not being able to take care of her, or smoking in the same room as her, those are things that i would have an issue with and would put me off

not sticking to a routine is neither here nor there iMO

mum2jakeyroo · 08/06/2008 10:24

you may be surprised. my parents have been having dc since 12mo overnight. Mil, while I was working had dc one day a week. Both sets of parents imo appreciated being told normal routine. Then once they got to know them better they established their own routine.
fwiw my mil got my ds1 to fall asleep at nap time in a pram instead of being cuddled - big help.

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