Was I overly sensitive to be upset at work ??

[Chocolattey]

I had a bit of a run in with a colleague the other day and the more I think about it, the more I’m worried I was in the wrong/overly sensitive

As a person she’s nice, we do the same job/same level but she’s more experienced/higher up the invisible but very well known pecking order IYSWIM! She’s been allowed to get away with things for years- not doing any work for the first hour because eating breakfast, sitting on her phone to avoid certain tasks during the day, avoiding doing any work after a certain time so she can leave early. It’s frustrating, annoying, but management just turn a blind eye to it because she’s their friend and our management don’t like confrontation and don’t want drama. Everyone talks about how frustrating her behaviour is but nobody does anything about it. It impacts on us all because we all have to pick up the pieces and cover her

this person was my professional leader when I was a new grad and it was awful. Didnt teach me anything, frequently got annoyed when I made mistakes, made me feel stupid, wouldn’t help or do anything she was paid extra to do. I basically had to do it all myself. We’re now friends (at work) but I’ve never forgotten how I was treated. As you can imagine I’m desperate to leave, but have to stay for a while longer because of contract reasons

anyway, the other day a junior collegue was asking me a questions. I answered what I thought was correct, but later while in my office overheard my colleague pulling the junior colleague into the office and laughing about how wrong I was, how I said it with such certainty and how she was sitting there thinking ‘what is she even talking about?!’ Then she lowered her voice and started talking about me- i can’t remember the exact wording, and I don’t want to misquote, but it was along the lines not to trust me/im clueless/I think I know more than I do. It hurt so, so much.

Once I finished my task I went and spoke to her about it. I made it clear I wasn’t happy the way she spoke about me behind my back (and our soundproofing isn’t perfect so I heard everything). It sort of took off from there- she kept saying there’s nothing wrong with making a mistake, my point was that I DONT mind being wrong, I actually get corrected for things all the time because nobody’s perfect, but as an adult why wouldn’t you just let me know? She was literally sitting on her phone listening so could have easily spoken up? Instead of mocking me or talking shit about me to someone else? I just felt it was a mean thing to do. I HATE confrontation so at this point I was trying so hard not to cry haha, but I dug in that I just felt it was a mean way to go about it and I dunno it just stung a bit and didn’t sit well with me. She said it was just a bit of fun and a joke but I dug in that I didn’t see it that way, particularly since it was behind my back.

she apologised and it’s over now, we’ve moved on, but the general vibe was that I was being a bit sensitive and it was sort of ‘sorry you got upset’ vibe rather than sorry for what happened. The more I’ve stewed on it, the more I’m a bit worried I’ve embarrassed myself or been silly/sensitive and I’m that person getting upset that my feelings were hurt for nothing, and that the above context clouded my annoyance

ahh, sorry it’s long, just wondered if anyone could please give me some perspective on it? Thanks x

She sounds like a b-word! Yanbu

She’s sounds like an absolute bitch. Do not trust her or think she is your ‘work friend.’ She is not.

Be civil and polite going forward and start making an exit plan to find a new job. How much longer does your contract have and is there no way to get out of it should you find a new role? Could you ask ACAS for advice?

If she is mates with management and she’s got away with being a lazy lying employee for years then management are not going to back you up. Leave.

She’s a cunt. I’ve worked with people like her before, people who pour the entirety of themselves into their job because they’ve got fuck all going on outside of it. Creating unnecessary drama in their wake. You’re not oversensitive, she’s lazy and unprofessional.

You aren't oversensitive or unreasonable.

Well done for calling her out. You may have felt upset doing so at the time but be proud of yourself for quite rightly challenging her.

Can't bear these types!

Well done for addressing it with her. Her response is in line with someone who has gotten away with it for years.

I applaud you for standing up for yourself.

Just to echo the poster above, she is NOT your friend. I wouldn't tell this lazy bitch anything personal and just maintain a crisp working chit chat scenario. Be very careful of her.

How she's got away with working like that just beggars belief and something should have been done about her ages ago.

Good for you. I bet other people have noticed that she’s a bit of a skiver and hopefully they were silently cheering you on.

you did the right thing. youre just upset about it now because confrontation is horrible, but that doesn’t mean you were wrong. she was wrong and even if she doesn’t see it like that, this situation should hopefully teach her not to treat you like that in future.

She's not only workshy, she's a nasty two faced bitch. Well done for standing up to her OP.

YANBU, you handled things extremely well, much better than I would have managed. The woman you work with is trying to downplay her actions and make out you're overreacting to avoid owning up to her spiteful behaviour. And maybe to try and avoid other people hearing about what she said. Don't trust her take on events, of course she'll want you to think you're too sensitive or something like that. But I can't imagine there is anyone who wouldn't be upset about being spoken about like that.

The only mistake you have made here is that you are looking at it from the wrong angle. Your angle shouldn't be that you are over sensitive and felt upset at work. Your angle is that she behaved highly unprofessionally and is damaging your professional reputation.

Good on you for standing up for yourself. She sounds absolutely horrible. She should be embarassed because her behaviour was untrustworthy, dishonest and lacked integrity. Id consider complaining about her.

You did well, too many times women are encouraged to be the bigger person. You spoke up assertively and got an apology.

She is not your friend.
Email exactly what happened to yourself as a record.
She is nasty and dangerous.

You may want to submit a grievance so have good records.

Yanbu at all to be very upset.

She sounds like a piece of work.
Continue calling her out on the shit she pulls.
Well done! 👏

Well done for speaking up. Her behaviour wasn't professional at all and you were quite right to call her out on it. She's sounds awful.

Sounds like a nursing environment I worked in a few years ago. Very bullying older (near retirement) staff who had worked there for years and were sitting waiting until they could go. In the meantime, treated their job as a ‘hobby’ doing as little as possible. Meanwhile newer, younger staff kept it all running. During Covid when everyone got redeployed most of the bullies sank like rocks because they were utterly useless out of their (small) fish bowl.
Whichever role you are in, she is a bully, and I would report her. If nothing is done by your manager, go above them. And report everything else she doesn’t do either!!!

This sounds like nursing/midwifery. The same role grade but unspoken hierarchy and mentoring new grads etc.

I don’t think you were wrong to call it out but experience tells me this is one of those ‘untouchable’ people who everyone pissy foots around and allows to take liberties and they’ll all be quietly cheering but will never ever let on lest she targets them next.

she is a bitch.

You need to stay very firm, very calm with her. If you ever show upset, she wins.

You should learn to build confidence, because frankly in your shoes, I would keep asking her to do things in the first and last hour - transfer phone calls to her, and sharing the workload

sitting on her phone to avoid certain tasks during the day
i'd happily wait with a big smile in front of her desk, saying "oh don't worry, finish" and making sure she ends up having to do them.

If you look at it the right way, it's a fun game.

You need to cover your back. Do you have processes that need to be followed? are they up-to-date?

Sounds like your first job so just try to stay calm, don't second guess yourself and carry on until you can leave.

Next time, if you have someone training you up, ask for the training manuals/schedule and insist that as you go through each part, both of you sign it. You to say you have learned and understand the process, them to say they have taught you correctly and they believe you understand the process.

Work can be an absolute nightmare, but if you stick to the rules you'll be fine.

Good for you for not letting it go. She's an arsehole, and I'm sure the others know she is one as well (even if they are too scared to voice it).
At least you know now and you can carry on with full 'knowledge is power' about it all. Be polite, avoid her as much as possible and keep professional. Tune her out basically. Her time will come, it always does.

I echo others in saying well done for being assertive and calling it out.

I think you handled it great. You were absolutely right to pull her up on it and not be fobbed off with the ‘bit of fun’ bollocks.

Well done for telling her, you were completely in the right and she sounds horrible! Xxx

It’s not really over as she has communicated to a junior member of staff that you are not to be trusted and are not good at your job. This hasn’t been corrected. I would want my manager to speak with her and ensure she behaved more appropriately in future.

She sounds like a manipulative toxic bitch. I think you need to get away from that workplace, I would start looking. Sounds like she may feel threatened and is undermining you. Even trying to gaslight you by saying that you being overly sensitive. Get out now.