AIBU to think school is in wrong over dd mh saga

[ThisCyanBeaker]

without making this too long for some brief context: dd (17) attends very small privet school her yr having 36 girls in it. has prev struggled with acute anxiety and $h throughout school . last year in yr12 she got very burnt out stopped going lessons , hiding from staff ect. I was made to sign mh agreement by school in April 25 that outlined 'support' for her which said: dd will be sent home within 10 minutes if cant go to lessons due to anxiety , will be marked u autmoatcly on exam if cant do it and won't be allowed to retake , cant wear short sleeves due to old scars ect ect
part of this agreement and 'plan' was school to contact me if dd missed nay classes , had rough day ect and head of sixth would also find dd in the day and check out the sitoaiotn immeidlty.
dd refuses to talk me about mh and I have found out that since being back at school dd has gone thru some days while being unaccounted for for up to 5 hours and HOS has not checked in or enquired about her whereabouts. he has also failed to email me about any of this when it when this has been ALOT of times . I also found out pastoral issues logged by staff are not being followed up on apporialty if at all , im just at a loss. the head of sixth has complelty disengaged and is meant to be in charge of this all . I feel the agreement set out has no plan for dd or support instead just school choosing easiest route for them.
surely them not knowing or checking where a vundurbel student is for up to 5 hours and not following up is wrong or am I expecting to much from school?
I APOLGISE FOR MY SPELLING !

It doesn’t sound like she’s well enough to be there. Staff can’t really provide almost 1:1 care for a sixth form student. If she’s missing almost the whole school day, I’d be looking for other options.

There is a massive gear change from yr11 ro yr 12. Ultimately it's up to her. As PP said if she isn't attending lessons may be she is not well enough.

As a 6th former, she will be expected to account for herself, I am surprised the head even agreed to it.

Private school is different to state- different exam boards etc- they will not want their exam result outcomes affected, they would rather mark her absent than get a poor outcome in the exam, they will then be seen to get 100% pass rate.

If she were mine, i'd pull her out, Have a break and let her enroll in college next Sept to do her A's. Its not for them to say she cant- they just wont do re-sits.

If she is in burn out then she isn’t well enough to learn.

Has she been assessed for asd/adhd?

Have a read of barriers to education website section on burn out.

This is tough. Does she want to be in school? Would time out of that environment help her improve her MH? Is she with CAMHS? Education will always be there. She doesn’t have to do this right now. Her MH has to take priority. This website / organisation may be helpful.

I totally get why you are furious with school about this - I would be too.

But, I think that I’m order to ensure the best outcome for your daughter, you need to change your focus a bit. Realistically, the school stuff won’t improve until her mental health improves.

Has she got a therapist? Is that relationship positive? Is she attending and engaging?

Has she been to the doctor? Has she had all of her vitamin and mineral levels checked? Have you discussed medication? Is she taking her medication regularly and consistently?

Is she following general good mental health guidelines? Is she spending time outside in nature? Eating healthily? Getting regular exercise?

Do you jointly have an emergency plan in place for if she feels like self harming? Is she able to follow it?

I agree. There's a huge difference in expectations between a year 11 student who has to be there and a year 12 student who has chosen to be there.

It really doesn't sound like this is the right environment for her to achieve in right now. If she was burnt out last year and continues to be this year I think a break and change of setting would be in her best interests.

She maybe needs to give up on year 13 there. Is it boarding or is she home at nights? Either way it doesn't sound that the environment is good for her at all. They sound more concerned that her MH won't affect other students or the school's results.
There are lots of other options - Home schooling, apprenticeships, college, local state school... Most of these apart from home schooling are September starts so maybe volunteering or working until next September while she gets therapy would be the way to go. It sounds like she needs a break and some help. A change of scene is almost always helpful.

She is almost an adult and needs help to make her own choices here, she clearly doesn't want to be at that school so let her choose what to do instead, within reason. It's not essential that she gets A Levels this year , her MH is more important. (Edited for typo)