Does this sounds like a normal 4 years old child?

[ElevatorGoUpndown]

My DS has just turned 4. When he was 3, DC2 was born, a year ago. He has been going through phases of terrible 3s. He cries for every small thing he wants or if we tell him off. I do lots of cuddles and reassurance but his dad gets fed up and tells him to stop crying. Sometimes, he starts laughing as soon as he gets something which he was demanding.
Another thing is he doesn't wants to follow instructions which we give or if he ask him to do things like eating his meals, putting away his plate, closing the door etc but he helps out lots at his preschool and a play group where we go, he is very well behaved outside.
We take him to swimming but he keeps looking at other children and doesn't follows the instructions and keeps saying he doesn't likes swimming and don't want to go.
His preschool says he behaves nicely and helps out lots. He likes to play outside and there has never been any complaints.
I feel he's going through a phase but DH gets annoyed due to his lack of motivation for swimming or following instructions.

This behaviour has started since baby was born last year.
Appreciate any tips

Bump, in need of advice.

It all sounds typical OP, you and your husband need a collective front on behaviour, rewards and sanctions. Get a star chart up!

Yes totally normal, sorry to say mine is five and this is still going on, and all the mums from school say their kids are the same. I think it is a type of restraint collapse (when they behave beautifully at school and have a meltdown the second they get home). I think the listening thing is a different version of this - they’ve ‘used up’ all their listening capacity in the childcare setting and so don’t do it at home, and it’s that way around because home is their safe space and they know you love them unconditionally. I try to remember that last part because it helps remind me that it’s a good thing and I want them to feel safe at home.

I don’t think any of the toddler stuff stops instantly when they stop being toddlers, it’s more of a gradual thing. Mine is getting better but it’s slow, and there’s a regression every time she’s tired or sick.

try to keep going with the cuddles and reassurance, he needs to feel loved. I think it’s ok to have boundaries, you can still be comforting to them : “it’s not time for sweets, I know that makes you upset and it’s ok to cry, but that’s what we’re doing right now. Shall we do a puzzle instead?” I don’t like telling them off for crying personally (we all have feelings and that’s ok) but also I don’t think you should give in to what he wants all the time, as they do learn quick that screaming works!

@Pinkandpurple225533 thank you very much for sharing your experience. It helps to know from parents who are ahead of us on this journey.

@Pippir I have just ordered some star stickers and printed a chart for him.

Totally normal, don’t sweat it. Dad needs to chill out on the swimming…. If it’s not his thing don’t force him to do it.

Yeah normal, wait until he is older for swimming honestly, it’s a waste of money if he is not old enough to engage yet. Didn’t start mine on lessons until 5.

Agree also to leave the swimming for a while, it’s so expensive, we’re about a year in with very little progress because she’s nervous (she enjoys it though so we keep going). It’s like pulling teeth honestly.

So typical, time will solve it

Thanks for the advice. All parents around us seem to start taking kids swimming from 6 months 🤯

He does gymnastics and enjoys that but he seems to have no interest in swimming and just keeps watching other kids in the swimming class.

Yes, normal, drop swimming lessons for a month or two before you make it an unnecessary battle.
They don't like to do anything at home so don't be surprised
A star chart or marbles in a jar is a nice motivator
Lots of cuddles and reading and numbers and independence prep for school next year
Tell DH to chill tf out and not bully his son into not crying - he's expecting too much of ds just because the baby seems tiny next to him but you want to foster good relationships
"I understand you're frustrated because xyz, that is so hard, i would want to cry too if i couldnt have another biscuit when i really wanted one. It's hard to keep ourselves healthy.
do you want a hug. Shall we go and read a book together with your baby brother now."

Read "how to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk" and take some ideas from it
You can have boundaries and be kind. How you talk and deal with ds emotions and needs sets a blueprint for him. So feeling OK to be frustrated and crying but knowing that no means no. Etc. And he can cry about it to feel better and have a hug and do something else but the answer still no
Shouting and being cross at him for crying not acceptable or healthy he's only little and hardly being naughty.

Just take him swimming at the weekend, his dad could take him if he is so keen on it. It will be much cheaper and he will probably learn more due to having a one-to-one lesson! Group swimming lessons don’t work well for this age in my experience.
The rest sounds normal, he is only 4 remember! Still very little in the grand scheme of things

He sounds perfectly fine. If he doesn't want to swim, pause that for now.

Sounds normal to me - it could be attention seeking because of his “new” sibling… but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t get the attention. Do you find yourself stopping what you are doing with your eldest to go to the baby if they cry? If so, try the other way around. Prioritise your older child and then go to the baby so he doesn’t see it as the baby being more important than him.

with swimming, we never did lessons for our eldest 2 - we literally just went swimming every weekend with them and they picked up the skills over time.

Totally utterly normal (Mother of four, Granny to two here)
As others have said, they hold it together at preschool/nursery etc but then they are done. And you get the fall out because you are their safe space.
Don't worry that it's all about being'displaced' by the baby... a year in, life before will be a very vague memory if anything at all. 3 yr olds are tricky; 4 year olds can be more so as they are still dependent but want to be independent and are still intensely selfish little beings.
And he needs his cuddles because he is little, unreasonable and learning every day :)

I'd also ditch the swimming... it's the same here, lots of very little children who often are just not ready. My DGS is also four and has started school this September and by the time he gets home he's tired, hyped and stroppy... but we (I count myself here as I look after him and his baby sister) all try to be consistent in our responses and it helps.
Hang in there... dgs is heaps better than he was just a few months ago, but we are expecting worse before Xmas and all the hype... just got to ride through it :)