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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pay (or not?) for a city break offered to you last minute?

64 replies

Ilikeyoursleeves · 13/11/2025 20:20

A friend had booked a city break to Amsterdam with her friends this weekend, Saturday to Monday. I don’t know the friend group (4 of them were going) as it’s a different friend circle but she’s just told me one of the friends suddenly can’t go for medical reasons.

If you were asked if you wanted to go in the friends place would you think you would be expected to pay for it in full / partially / not at all? For the hotel and flight that is.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 13/11/2025 20:34

Pay in full.

Glitchymn1 · 13/11/2025 20:34

I would expect to be told how much to pay. I dropped out of a trip once and didn’t expect or want to be reimbursed.

MrsPositivity1 · 13/11/2025 20:35

Pay in full

BellaTrixLeStrange1 · 13/11/2025 20:36

I this situation I would expect to pay the full cost

pinkdelight · 13/11/2025 20:36

I'd expect to pay but I wouldn't go. If it was offered free then maybe I'd consider it, but I wouldn't pay for a holiday I hadn't chosen with a group I didn't know that well out of the blue last minute. One would have to pretty flush and impulsive to do so.

SoSoLong · 13/11/2025 20:37

Just ask how much it is. For all you know, the hotel room might be refundable, so there's no reason for you to get it free, or the friend might have insurance. By default, I'd assume I'm paying.

ZestForRest · 13/11/2025 20:38

I'd 100% expect to pay.

Freshstartyear25 · 13/11/2025 20:38

I would expect the main reason why you’re invited in the first place is so you can pay in full. Your payment will help cover what the person who dropped out has lost.
I won’t be going anyway because it’s not my friendship circle. Even if it was something I would love, I will hate to have to feel like I’m an afterthought

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/11/2025 20:40

I’d expect to pay absolutely. If you can’t afford the whole thing just say you’d love to go but are on a bit of a budget and ask how much they want for the tickets

Bournetilly · 13/11/2025 20:43

I’d expect to pay in full unless they have said otherwise. I doubt I’d go in this situation though if I had to pay in full. If they can’t claim it back on travel insurance it would be nice for them to offer it at partial cost.

Rickrolypoly · 13/11/2025 20:44

I don't understand how people get themselves into these scenarios.
Hey Jane, Susan has dropped out of the Amsterdam trip, would you like to go in her place?
Oh yeah maybe, how much does it cost?

It's not hard!!

Pippir · 13/11/2025 21:05

Obviously you’re expected to pay OP, they’re not asking you just for the pleasure of your company!

Misanthropologie · 13/11/2025 21:06

Amsterdam is not at its best in November.

Catlover77 · 13/11/2025 21:13

I would not expect to pay in full. I would expect to pay 50%, then the person who is unwell is not fully out of pocket.

after all, you wouldn’t automatically choose to go away with this group.

momtoboys · 13/11/2025 21:14

I would expect to pay

wanttokickoffbutcant · 13/11/2025 21:29

I had similar years ago - friend broke up with boyfriend a month before holiday. Begged me to go with her, all free as didn't want to go alone, I paid for ticket transfers etc and paid for quite a lot on the holiday itself. After we were back a while she asked for the holiday cost. I was so cross and I wouldn't have gone if I knew that in advance and also has a shit time as she was so upset about being dumped before the holiday. I was young and not as assertive as I am now so I bloody paid up!!

DisforDarkChocolate · 13/11/2025 22:07

I'd expect to pay some but not all. Probably any fee to change the flight and hotel costs.

Original poster
Ilikeyoursleeves · 13/11/2025 22:40

Friend hasn’t said anything about what it will cost but I assumed I’d be paying. I’ll need to ask for specific details. I’ve met her friends before so they aren’t total strangers. I’ll need to have a think

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 13/11/2025 22:46

Catlover77 · 13/11/2025 21:13

I would not expect to pay in full. I would expect to pay 50%, then the person who is unwell is not fully out of pocket.

after all, you wouldn’t automatically choose to go away with this group.

Yes same. I’m doing them a favour by covering sone of the costs so I don’t expect to pay full price.

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 13/11/2025 22:53

Amsterdam is great but if you don't really want to go/think it would interest then don't go if it's more than you want to pay. As it's not THAT great.

Of course you should pay. But only go if you want to go.

PeonyBulb · 13/11/2025 22:58

They’ve asked you so you can cover the costs instead of them. Yes you’d expect to pay.

BernardButlersBra · 13/11/2025 23:08

Fully

Elektra1 · 13/11/2025 23:13

I went on a trip like this once - I had declined the invitation to join the trip as couldn’t afford it at the time, but 2 days before departure, one of the group was unable to go for some reason. I was offered the chance to go in her place for free. The “for free” bit was made clear. So I went, and had a lovely time. If I’d been asked to pay, I wouldn’t have gone because the reason I wasn’t going to start with was that I couldn’t afford it. If nothing was said about price, I’d have assumed they wanted me to pay, and would have declined.

So if no one’s said anything about price, I think they’d be expecting you to cover the full cost.

JingleCells · 13/11/2025 23:14

Dozer · 13/11/2025 20:28

The one who dropped out probably won’t get any of her money back if no one else goes. She can’t sell the place to a stranger. The group probably don’t want to chip in to cover her costs. It’d be economical for her and the group on her behalf to offer a lower cost trip to someone they know.

This

I'm amazed at all the pay in full people.

It's just like the people who post 'got a ticket for theatre for tonight as can't go, paid £50 will accept £20'. You need to give people an incentive to join something last minute!

Marble10 · 14/11/2025 06:59

I’ve had this and offered my space to someone who couldn’t afford to go in the first place. She accepted but didn’t ask how much it would be and it was then awkward for me to say. About 2 weeks later she gave me £200 towards. Everyone was a bit miffed that she hadnt offered any money, but I couldn’t go it would be wasted anyway. I think maybe someone else had said something to her about it which nudged her to pay.
I think it was also around £70 to change names on flights.
In the end she got a break for £270 instead of £500
which isn’t bad IMO.
Id never expect to pay absolutely nothing if it were especially to someone who you don’t know who has paid 😆