Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Hobby holidays

22 replies

Dinkiedoo · 13/11/2025 20:09

My husband goes on a 2 week holiday doing a hobby that bores my socks off. I enjoy the peace to be honest.
We also have a lovely holiday together once a year.
He mentioned casually that once he retires he will be taking more of these trips.
I told him in no uncertain terms that he won't.
AIbu ?

OP posts:

fluffiphlox · 13/11/2025 20:12

Can’t you go off on your own while he is ‘doing his hobby’ as this is always described on MN? What is it cycling? Golf? Diving?

JudgeBread · 13/11/2025 20:13

Why can't you go on your own holiday while he's golfing?

SoSoLong · 13/11/2025 20:14

What is the problem if he wants more of these holidays (since you're saying you enjoy the peace and quiet)? Money? Company?

mindutopia · 13/11/2025 20:14

If you can afford it and you otherwise spend plenty of time together, I can’t see why he wouldn’t?

I go off travelling to engage in my hobby usually once a year. Anywhere from a few days to 10 days. In another year or so, I’m looking to do a 2 week trip. We have school age children and I leave Dh at home with the kids. He also goes away a few days here and there throughout the year on his own.

Why not? We have the means to do it and it makes us both happy. I don’t need to be with him every day. There’s more to life than just your partner. Unless his hobby is Thai sex workers, I can’t see the problem. I’d be grateful to be having the sort of retirement where we are both healthy enough to travel and do things we love.

Tiedbutchorestodo · 13/11/2025 20:15

Depends - does it mean you won’t have enough money for living the standard of life you normally have / want (in which case you’re probably not BU) and how often?

If money is not a problem and it’s say 4 times a year I wouldn’t mind if you have the rest of the year together all the time

Zempy · 13/11/2025 20:15

Why not? Is it for financial reasons?

Arlanymor · 13/11/2025 20:16

Why don't you want him to? What's the issue?

He'll have the time - so no problem there and you say you enjoy the peace too. Is money a problem? Does he have any caring responsibilities for anyone? Presumably you can enjoy your own activities while he is away? Or go on a holiday of your own?

Original poster

Dinkiedoo · 13/11/2025 20:22

Id rather we had a few holidays together each year rather than him having several holidays a year and me just one.

OP posts:

missmollygreen · 13/11/2025 20:23

YABU.
Unless he is saying that you cant have holidays too?

Sounds controlling.

XenoBitch · 13/11/2025 20:25

YABU you sound really controlling.
Surely the joy in retirement is having more time for the things you enjoy.

Zempy · 13/11/2025 20:35

Dinkiedoo · 13/11/2025 20:22

Id rather we had a few holidays together each year rather than him having several holidays a year and me just one.

Why is this the situation though? Myself and PP have asked if there are financial constraints?

Arlanymor · 13/11/2025 23:53

Dinkiedoo · 13/11/2025 20:22

Id rather we had a few holidays together each year rather than him having several holidays a year and me just one.

Why can't you have both? Is it a money issue?

Treviarpelli · 14/11/2025 00:17

Dh and I are retired and are fortunate financially. We both take several holidays without each other as well as some together

AffableApple · 14/11/2025 00:25

Dinkiedoo · 13/11/2025 20:22

Id rather we had a few holidays together each year rather than him having several holidays a year and me just one.

Has it been determined that you just get one?

If so how and why? More information needed.

ThatChristmasMug · 14/11/2025 00:27

Dinkiedoo · 13/11/2025 20:22

Id rather we had a few holidays together each year rather than him having several holidays a year and me just one.

why? Is he spending all the holiday fund? (or will he)

Just split it in 2, he goes on as many trips he can afford, same for you, and you have your holiday together

ThatChristmasMug · 14/11/2025 00:29

Dinkiedoo · 13/11/2025 20:22

Id rather we had a few holidays together each year rather than him having several holidays a year and me just one.

If you only accept to go on holiday with him, and refuse to do anything else, of course you are massively BU to punish him for your own choices.

Libellousness · 14/11/2025 00:35

Dinkiedoo · 13/11/2025 20:22

Id rather we had a few holidays together each year rather than him having several holidays a year and me just one.

Why not both? My husband spends 8-10 weeks a year on ‘hobby holidays’ (though he does so in a volunteering role so isn’t paying to be there). We still manage to fit in 5 to 6 holidays a year.

Original poster

Dinkiedoo · 14/11/2025 05:13

It will just be him going away ..
I don't go away on my own. Can't afford it

OP posts:

Zempy · 14/11/2025 06:06

So you have completely separate finances?

In which case are you saying you can only afford one holiday a year? And you think he should pay for the two of you to go on holiday rather than spending his money on his own hobby holidays?

Just trying to figure this out OP as it’s not really clear.

Bjorkdidit · 14/11/2025 06:32

Dinkiedoo · 14/11/2025 05:13

It will just be him going away ..
I don't go away on my own. Can't afford it

So there's your issue. You both need to have equal personal money to spend as you wish.

His retirement is a good trigger to review your budget. You could split the money allowed for holidays into thirds. A third for joint holidays, a third for your holidays and a third for his.

Or you could have a general, equal, personal pot each, that you pay for your holidays out of. Because its absolutely not on that he can afford it and you can't. How has that arisen?

Celestialmoods · 14/11/2025 07:07

Why can’t you afford it if he can afford several holidays?

You can’t expect him to give up what he wants to do in retirement so that you can do what you want, especially if it’s him that’s paying. He is doing nothing wrong.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/11/2025 07:48

Are you both close to retirement, or only him, or neither of you and he’s just talking in the abstract? If you’re both retiring together then that needs to be with an agreement about how you’re going to pool money so that it’s fair and you both have the same opportunities, even if your pension is lower, and agreed budgets for things you do other, and things you do separately.

You need to broaden your own friendships and hobbies so that you have things going on in your life besides DH and could take trips of your own. Time apart, with other people, is a good thing for a relationship, particularly when you’re retired and life can turn into Groundhog Day with the same old person week in week out. Trying to prevent him from going on activity holidays because you only want to go on holiday with him isn’t the route to a happy retirement.

Flip