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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Now he’s seeing someone I feel like I can’t be his friend

1 reply

Tewnty · 13/11/2025 19:52

I’m not really sure what to do here. About 6 years ago I dated a friend for a few months, I fell head over heels for him, we’d been friends for years before. He called it off, said he just wasn’t feeling it and we were better as friends, we have mutual friends so the friendship continued. I met someone else, was with him for 4 years and we had a baby together who is now 1, but we broke up early this year. If I’m totally honest I was never really over this guy. He has dated and had fairly short term relationships since but nothing serious until now.
Now he has been with a girl for about 8 months, he’s so obviously in love with her, head over heels etc. She started joining occasionally for wider group things and when she hasn’t joined he does talk about her (which is fine we all talk about the people we are with or dating), but it hurts so much. It keeps making me think why her? What was wrong with me! I know it’s stupid and I need to work on my self esteem and we really didn’t date for that long.
The issue I have is he is a part of my core friendship group, I do have other friends but these are my closest friends and I do not want to lose them, they matter to me. Some of my other friends have said I just need to end the friendship with him but I can’t do that as then I’d also lose my other friends.
AIBU to feel like this? How do I get over it?

OP posts:
NotSureWhereThisIsGoing · 13/11/2025 20:19

Just focus on your other friends in the group. You know he's not interested in you so unless you can't resist the urge to sit on his lap against his wishes there really isn't any reason to cut the whole group out!
Don't seek him out for 1:1 chats especially if you're drinking or feeling down, keep it superficial and save the heart to hearts for other friends in the group.

No need for big dramatic gestures.

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