Son has just come out!

[Jupitercore]

Our DS 18, has just told his dad and I he's gay, we really do not have a problem with it, but he seems withdrawn and depressed, I can't take him to Drs, as he's 18 now, I'm not sleeping as I'm worried he'll do something to himself. Can anyone give me advice, perhaps you've been through it, what can I do to help him?

perhaps ask MNet to move this to the LGB Children topic? you'll get more help there.

good luck

I have an LGBT DD. It became clear to us while she was still in her teens. It wasn't an issue for us but she was going through mental health issues which included the eating disorder anorexia.

I think all you can really do is be there to offer reassurance to them that it isn't an issue and you are there in support whenever needed.

My DD is 23 now and independent, living with her partner. She organises her care and therapy appointments herself now, but when she was still at school I used to go with her every week as that was required then.

Encourage your DS to make an appointment with the GP to discuss his possible depression. You or your DH can offer to go with him if he thinks that would be useful, but you have to accept if he prefers to go alone.

No advice except to just be there. I remember a guy on first dates saying it was a pity gay people had to go through coming out, straight people just get to go date someone. It really struck a chord

Have you made him know you’re absolutely supportive of him and love him? What was the actual conversation and how long ago did he tell you?

Was he acting withdrawn and depressed before he told you or just since?

Absolutely this, its a shame anyone still feels the need to ‘come out’, everyone should just go about their lives and just introduce family & friends to whoever they’re dating whenever they like, or equally not date anyone at all.

sounds like he has some mental health problems unrelated to his sexual orientation.

very very lucky (after a long angst almost three teenagers) to be sitting with my 3 DSs and DS2s boyfriend watching Rocky Horror Picture Show as we speak.

did you have an inkling before this? We certainly did and were relieved when he came out at 16 (18 now)

Is he ok with being gay ?

Even now with all the progress we have made it’s still not easy.

As far as I know there still isn’t only one out male footballer but I’m sure there must be some more.

A friend of mine only came out herself when she was about 35 - this was only about 6 years back.

Is it possible he's in a relationship that's making him unhappy?

What does he say if you asked him why he’s unhappy

3 of my dc are gay/bi, they never did the whole coming out thing, just mentioned in passing that they were dating/fancied/asked out X person, as I always told them to do, so I can't really advise in the coming out thing.

However I think you're conflating two things here, him being gay and him being depressed are two very separate things. Have you spoken to him about going to the doctors? Offer to go with him for support of he needs it.

Does he go to college or uni? Does he work? What kind of social life does he have? There may be support he could seek through uni/college/work if he doesn't want to go to the doctors just yet, as lots of places are very focused on mental health.

I'll try to answer everything here, I never post, so please bear with me.
Ds knows he's loved and supported 100%, and yes I had an inkling, but just waited till he was ready. He's finished college and so his social group is online, he has anxieties about joining clubs or going out, I do encourage him, but cannot push him, that would do more harm than good. He has said he thinks he's nd, I agree, but no formal diagnosis yet, because he doesn't like going to anything medical Drs, Dentist or Hospital. He's a bit lost at the moment and just feels very low, everyday I tell him I'm here for him and I love him, so is DH, but we don't want to badger him, it's a fine line to walk, between being there and being overbearing. Thank you to everyone who has replied, as I said I never post really, so I've been nervous about responses.

Would he consider counselling or therapy of some kind? My son came out and was going through a period of depression at roughly the same time, I was nervous of suggesting counselling to him but thankfully he was very receptive and found it helpful. The two things weren’t connected, in his case, but with homophobia on the rise I would have understood if they had been.

I will suggest it to him, thank you.

You can't force him but you could suggest he talks to the doc as you're worried he seems depressed. I wouldn't assume it's directly related to him being gay though. I guess if he was worried some people close to him might be homophobic? But if that's not the case it's more likely other aspects of his life.

I hope you can talk to him. Maybe offer to pay for a counsellor if you can afford it?

I know, right?