Gifting money

[tellmewhatyouthinkofthis]

I have seen a lot of threads over the last few days revolving around gifting money to people for Christmas. It’s really divisive so I just want to see everyone’s opinions.

YABU - asking for money as a gift or gifting money is tacky and lazy

YANBU - people should stop being so precious and accept that might be what someone wants

I’m all for giving people what they really want! If that is money so be it!

Asking for money is tacky. Giving it without prompt isn't.

YANBU.
I would much rather buy a gift but if somebody really wants money to put towards something I’d give them the money. Gifting is about the recipient not the giver!

DS asked me last week what I’d like for Christmas. I mentioned a certain perfume I’d really like but it’s expensive. I don’t know his budget for gifts so also said that if the perfume was outside what he wanted to spend then some money towards it would be lovely.
He’ll either buy the perfume or give me what he can afford towards it. I’ll get my perfume and he’ll be happy that I’m happy.

See I’m curious about this point of view. I think it’s fine to ask, as long as you don’t demand?

Neither.

At its most extreme, if eveybody wanted money not gifts, Christmas day with adults would be everyone passing a £20 note round the room! From person to person until it got back to the original gift giver. Everyone would have given £20 and everyone would have received £20. Christmas problem solved!

There have been times in my life when 5 gifts of £20 would have enabled me to buy the one unaffordable item that I longed for. (at that time my dparents never gave money and always bought me something I didn't like or want).

When dparents were in their 80s they struggled to know what to buy their dc and dgc and gave everyone money. That seemed sensible.

SIL loves to choose things and buy things. Gift giving is probably her love language. She thinks she's choosing something thoughtful and kind and appropriate to my likes. Of course I receive everything with grace and graciousness, but they are never what I'd want. dh and I have tried being really specific but that doesn't fit with SIL's love of wandering around markets choosing things. e.g. we ask for some specific socks, she buys us a sock organisation system.

But ultimately this is family, and it's all about compromise and acceptance, and recognising that we're all different.

My DB always asks for money as he likes to go shopping in the sales after xmas.

I think if someone really wants a specific gift that's more expensive than usual then money towards it is fine.
Like someone has just said 5 gifts of £20 (so £100) would have paid for the one thing she'd really like rather than having 5 random gifts.
I find it odd that people suggest it for teens saying "all they want is cash" because I think "well what do they plan to spend it on because why can't I just actually buy them that?".

I do similar - I ask for money from my husband to buy a couple of the January 1st new release Lego sets.
If they were released on December 1st they'd be my Christmas pressies on Christmas Day. But they're not so I basically get my gifts on January 1st ! I am happy to wait an extra week.

Depends on the situation. I would find it weird to give money to my reasonably well off middle aged friends and don't like giving them vouchers either for things they would normally just buy themselves.
Younger people though and people of any age who say cheerfully that they are short of money for good reasons - I'm really happy to give it, and put it in a card saying Put this towards your decorating budget/weekend away/meal out/whatever.

It’s not ok to ask, it is rude because it implies presumption. If your parents or close relatives ask what you want and you know that they will be happy with the convenience of giving money, then it’s fine to say you want money. But if it’s a peer who likes to do proper gifts, then it’s rude to say you want their money.

If everybody wanted money not gifts, Christmas day with adults would be everyone passing a £20 note round the room! From person to person until it got to the original gift giver.
Well said. I am fine finding gifts for close family. It's the family that you don't know well but see at Christmas that I struggle with. I do try to do a parcel for adults even if it's a cop out bottle of wine.
Where I think cash is better is for older children and teenagers. I haven't a clue what a 10 or 17 year old would like, probably nothing I chose. When my DC were that age people used to buy vouchers which I hated. We don't live near any of those shops and I used to end up exchanging the unwanted vouchers for cash. So I never buy vouchers. Teenagers get an envelope of cash and some chocolate.

I give teen - young adult family money because they need it / know what they like / put it towards something.

I wouldn’t give my siblings or in-laws or friends money. Or ask them for it.

I wouldn't ask for money personally. But I'm quite happy to give it in certain circumstances.

My teenage nephews love some cash and it's find it difficult to pick gifts for them now they are older and have very niche interests.

My mum has plenty of money, much more than me so I'd much rather give her a thoughtfully chosen gift.

@isitmyturn I never understand why people don't check you live near a particular shop if they are going to give you a voucher for it 🤷
(although most can be used online now)

Same here
My DM has way more money than us.
Ive bought her tickets to se Swan Lake in January. It will cost me more than the ticket price because I’ll have to take a day off work and driver her there 😊
Shes worth every penny.

Years ago, someone gave me Vue cinema vouchers for xmas. The closest Vue to me was over 50 miles away.

That's so annoying 🙁

voted YANBU but tbh agree it does get completely pointless when (as has happened with my siblings a few times) we both just give money to each other!

I would really prefer either money or vouchers. I just don’t have much small stuff I actually want, but conversely I would never ask people to gift me expensive things so cash or vouchers allows me to put the gift towards a bigger spend with me making up the extra.

For kids from 9ish to students yes as money to save towards something they really want is great and the dont have much opportunity to earn money.

For adults with limited funds lovely idea so they can treat themselves or even use it for something practical and take some pressure off.

For adults with plenty of disposable income probably a bit lazy. I would get a restaurant voucher or nice wine and treats to eat rather than cash.

It’s fine to give money to someone younger than you / a generation below!

And it’s ok to ask for cash if someone asks you what you want first .

Why is it tacky?

I think it depends on the situation.

As a teen I loved getting money and my mum will still gift us money now (unless there’s a present we want). Grandparents also used to gift money if that’s what we wanted.

I think it would be strange gifting my parents/ siblings money for Christmas though. I wouldn’t ask my DC for money either. I do gift siblings money for birthdays though.

Ive seen people gifting teachers money which I think is strange, I personally think a gift card is better.

Money is definitely better than an unwanted gift though.

If you really know the person well, and you know that they really like The Body Shop gift sets, or stuff from Lush then buying gifts is a good idea. Money is a great gift when you don’t know what someone likes, it’s probably the best thing you can gift them anyway. I’ve unfortunately received lots of gifts that I have just ended up donating because they weren’t the sort of thing that I would wear or use.