To have a boyfriend stay at weekends - DS age 17

[Ceci693]

So it looks like I might have a “boyfriend” - seems a bit of a weird name at my age lol/ but he lives 3 hours away and thinking ahead - is it unfair to my DS who is 17 and lives at home with me - he’s in school- to have this man stay over at weekends. I’ve never brought a man back to the house before - have always managed with hotels or his place. DS says he doesn’t mind but I don’t want to upset his routine etc or make him feel pushed out in any way. Maybe I should stick to my rule of not bringing a man home. Wwyd?

It’s a bit shocking you’ve known this man for about a week max, you’re calling him your boyfriend and you’re asking your son about him staying over. You sound a bit vulnerable to be dating at the moment, I don’t mean that in a patronising way but your headspace sounds like high risk for men who aren’t good guys to find your naivety appealing.

Your son is 17, time for you to start to have your own life again.

@Ceci693 - posters were assuming this was an established relationship. You’d be very unwise indeed to start introducing a random into your domestic life.

Well, an established relationship, and a son who is 17 - I’d have no issue at all.
But after pps updates I’m just confused.

As your children are older, I think it's fine. Mine are now over 18 - they've had their boyfriends to stay many times. I think at 17, your son is not far off. If I were single and in your position, I would think it was OK. They understand about relationships - why should you deny yourself what you don't deny them (your dd anyway)?

How long have you been with him?
How many times have they met?

After 6 months/a year then it’s ok for him to stay the odd night.

But if he has his own place then why would you not just continue staying there.

I assume he’ll come round for dinner or something several times before he stays over in the house of your child.

What!!! And she’s already told her son about him!!

Bloody hell OP if this is true get off of the dating sites because you are not in the right headspace to be dating.

You sound like you’ve made good decisions in the past regarding protecting yourself and children.
Do not let this man manipulate you into breaking your boundaries.

How would it be damaging? He's 17, if he hasn't already he will soon want a partner staying over himself

It’s ok, you are entitled to a life. Having constantly changing overnight “guests” is difficult for dc but if a serious relationship that’s fine

OP, I've looked at your previous threads and you need to calm right down.

You barely know this man. You only started chatting to him online last month, and you've met him what, once? And during the five weeks you've been talking to him, you've fretted and questioned literally everything. What to wear to your first date. Whether he'd ghosted you when he didn't call you the day he said he would call. When you should sleep with him. Whether he'll mind if you snore.

Seriously, you are being massively OTT about this and obsessing over it prematurely. This man is not your boyfriend. He's barely more than a stranger at this point and he lives three hours away from you.

I've absolutely no issue with people having their partner over when their kids are in their late teens but bloody hell, this isn't a partner. He's a hook-up. Don't introduce your son to him FFS.

Yes. Don’t give access to your near adult until you know he is good to stay 👌

Oh!
have I missed this update?

100% no!

PP has advanced searched and found OP on a thread in relationships. She has been chatting to a few different men via OLD and this one has referred to himself as her boyfriend before they have even met. If she has now met him it's been within the last week at most.

Start slow, have him come to where you live for the weekend but have him stay in a near by hotel.

Have him round for dinner or a movie and he can slowly build a relationship with your son and then after a while you can have him over to stay.