To not feel like my struggles made me stronger?

[MyAmusedOpalCrab]

I keep seeing people say “everything happens for a reason” or “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” but I’m not sure I believe it anymore. Yes, I’ve survived a lot. But some of it just hurt. Some of it left scars. I’m not sure I grew stronger, maybe just more guarded. More tired. A bit more alone in some ways.

I’m not wallowing, I’ve built a good life and I keep going. But I don’t know if I needed those hard things to become who I am. Maybe I’d be just as strong or stronger without them.

AIBU to feel like not everything that happens to you is secretly good for you?

I guess it depends what type of struggles people are referring to.

Death, illness and trauma wouldn’t necessarily make someone stronger. (Can’t imagine someone the PTSD feeling stronger!)

but I guess challenges where you’ve had to manage a difficult situation but come out better off or a achieving a goal that you set yourself that was gruelling would be somethings that would make you stronger.

YANBU. It’s like the saying ‘money doesn’t buy you happiness’ - of course it does to a huge extent. I think people rely on sayings like these to avoid talking about awkward/uncomfortable things and to avoid acknowledging that some things are genuinely rubbish or cause permanent scars.

For me, what didn’t kill me gave me a permanent disability leaving me bedbound, unable to work with no cure/future improvement possibility. I loathe it when people tell me it made me stronger/it happened for a reason!

Having bad stuff happen to you is bad, sometimes there is a silver lining (e.g. redundancy leading to your dream job or partner cheating on you but you find your ‘soulmate’ next) but it really depends on context. The bad event is still bad.

It might not kill you but it can make you bitter and resentful!

Money might not buy happiness but it sure can buy a really good psychiatrist!

Most people who have had early life disadvantages - neglect, abuse etc. grow up dysfunctional rather than "stronger" so its all a load of bollocks.

I think it's what we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel like we've overcome the trauma.

After my twins died in the NICU 2 years ago, I used to tell myself I'm a stronger mother with my now 7 month old because I dont let things faze me, after what we went through. It's probably complete nonscence I'm telling myself but it makes me feel less guilty over missing my boys so much.