I have spent the past year at home with DD. I had to move for husbands work so I gave birth and have lived in his city for a a year now. I struggle with lack of support with DD, no family or friends nearby.
I have been unwell for 5 days now, I dont get enough for my body to recover. Dd wakes up every 2 hours (when im lucky) to comfort, she is also ill.
Today I was so broken from lack of sleep and general illness, DD wanted to contact nap on me I was hungry, tired, thirsty, broken I got so annoyed I took her off with a bit of force as she wouldn't come off. Everytime I put my finger between her mouth and breast she would grip onto me. I then left her crying in the cot alone because I needed to step away. I messed my partner saying I hate him, I hate our daughter, I hate everything, i wish i hadnt married him, our daughter is a brat, I wish I never started breastfeeding, I understand why mums shout at and hit their kids - its because they are unsupported. Our daughter is a little idiot etc...
I left DD jn the cot for a good few mins whilst i did this screaming away before picking her up and not even looking at her - she could tell i was distant from the way I ignored her.
I feel so bad - she isnt a brat, I dont hate her, I hate i took her off with using a bit of force - by force i mean pulling away whilst she was gripping on to me. I just feel awful and like an awful mum for what I said ABOUT her to my husband