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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Update: Partner arrested for DV TW

2 replies

Icedcone · 13/11/2025 13:34

My partner was arrested at 2 am this morning after I had to call the police on him when he made threats to kill me and was asking me for my ni number so he could make out my flat is his on home finder. He also sexually assaulted me on Sunday after I called the police the day before but I didn’t have the guts to make a statement on Sunday. I am just exhausted and had enough of trying to get my kids dad out of my flat, I’ve been nice and said he can see the kids and get his own flat but he won’t budge and he even tried to kidnap the children on Saturday and take their passports with him which is why I called the police the first time. Last night he was jealous and had a strop and took the kids back home and left me stranded because I was enjoying myself at a carnival I went to with my family, I stupidly had a drink and thought he didn’t see me because he was 1 m away from me and then he had a fight with my BIL in front of everyone because my BIL stood up for me and said I’m aloud to have a drink. Today police have attended and I’ve must of had to repeat my statement multiple times over 2 hours and had to do a urine test aswell for proof of SA. I’m alone and my mum wants nothing to do with me and was shouting last night at hers saying that is my fault what’s happened. She wanted me to leave at 12 with no where to go, eventually my step dad took me home and I didn’t get back until 1:45 this morning, I’ve hardly slept and the kids were up too because my partner (soon to be ex) was ranting and saying I have to put everything in his name now and I’ll be homeless and then it escalated. I’m waiting for the locksmith to come out because he’s going to be back at mine in the early hours of tomorrow morning and I have no one accept my kids. I’m scared and have no idea what to do when he’s released on bail. Children’s services have been informed and I don’t want him back. I also have work tomorrow and have to now inform them I cannot work anymore due to relying on my partner for childcare and transport. Im stupid that I got myself dependant on him tbh).I don’t know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
oldFoolMe · 13/11/2025 13:40

So sorry your going through this and your doing the right thing. Well done for taking the first very hard steps.
You need to show social services you are putting kids first, which of course you are but they will need evidence of it. Next few days focus on the Following:

is there a friend / family member who can temporarily look after the passports?
inform your work, most will be understanding, maybe you could get childcare in the future, maybe not any something else will come up. But don’t worry about that now.
Sending you love ❤️

Referral form for Idva service

Use this form to make a referral, offering those assessed as being at high risk of serious harm the opportunity to access specialist support.

https://safelives.org.uk/resources-library/referral-into-idva-service-form/

Icedcone · 13/11/2025 14:53

Thank you for replying. I am putting the kids first by removing him from the flat early hours of this morning. But yeah children services will need to see that I stick at it and don’t ever let him back in.

I worry for the kids and the eldest has been asking about him as soon as she woke up this morning. The youngest (2) is too young to understand.

I will be contacting the IDVA as I need some support and emotional support. Kids need support aswell as I’m their only source of comfort, they have no one except their nan (my mum) who just talks negatively and shouts at me in front of them. I’ve going to get a restraining order as a non mol wouldn’t stop him.

no i have no one who could look after the passports. Friends cut me off years ago and I have no family support as currently only my sister is backing me up and she lives with my mum. Eg, about work, I am not too worried about work as i can always re enter employment when my youngest is older.

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