AIBU to be a selfish mother?

[TheRozzers]

Currently work 3 days a week in a job that pays well but bores me and work 2 days doing a side hustle that I absolutely love but isn’t profitable (yet). All good and my DP and employer have been very supportive of my side hussle.

Recently found out I will be losing my 3 day a week post.

The job market is tough but I have been offered another full time role for good money in the same field but every time I think about doing the role my heart just sinks.

Potential new employers seem nice and have been really flexible, they said I can work 4 days so I would still have 1 day for the side hussle but I just can’t face it.

It’s office based with no WFH option and an hour commute each way in the car (probably more in rush hour traffic). The office is on a bleak, soulless industrial estate. It would have to be a car journey, no feasible trains. It’s going to be a full on job, I know I won’t have the time or energy to do anything but work.

My DP thinks I am being selfish by not accepting it. We need to move house, get a mortgage, have DC to feed and there is a real risk I won’t get offered anything this good again.

My side hustle is taking off and I have enough savings to focus on it for a year and try and make it work.

AIBU to be a selfish mother and turn down the job?

I think you are. If you didn’t have children and need a mortgage, then I wouldn’t.

I’d take the job and see it as a short term need to get the mortgage and get settled financially.

You are not being selfish. You are thinking about doing what you actually want to do.. Working full time as a mum is so hard that you need to make sure that it is ajob that you abolsutely love if possible.

I think if your children will be worse off, to a detrimental standard of living then yes you’re being selfish. I personally consider it my role as a parent
to bring in as much money as possible, especially in this economic climate!

I think it would be very selfish to willingly put all the financial burden on the family on your husband particularly when ye are hoping to buy etc. how would you feel if he came home and announced that he was giving up his job to do a side hustle that wasn't profitable yet and that all the bills etc would be on you.

@TheRozzers i don't think you are, if you can afford to take the chance to grow your hustle into a business take it

I can tell you that I've chosen to remain in a horrendously stressful job, commuting hundreds of miles a week to do 10 hour shifts in a windowless room, because the economy is volatile and cautious and I don't want to risk my children's housing or food security by fucking with a stable gig.

But only you know how likely it is that your fun side hustle will take off. How rare is your skill? What is your competition? How sustainable is the demand and what is your strategy for marketing? If it doesn't take off, what is your plan for a year from now with no job and having depleted your emergency savings?

Only you know your situation. But sometimes the brave choice is the boring grown- up choice.

Yes it’s true that my DC should come first and they are sharing a room at the moment which isn’t ideal.

re the side hussle, I am a director of a new social enterprise and am applying for funding including paying myself a modest salary. I’ve had it indicated that the funding will probably be granted but nothing is guaranteed.

My skills are in marketing, I’m senior and have done it for years so marketing for the side hussle isn’t an issue. Finding another senior level marketing role in this climate is though.

Thank you for the words of wisdom. I guess if I start the role I don’t have to stay, it just means shelving my plans for a while.

OMG take the job and do the side hustle in the evenings and one weekend day for a bit. If your potential funding is coming from the govt the upcoming budget might mean the end of it. The job market for senior white collar roles is the worst I've ever seen it - even worse than just after the financial crash of 2008/9. You may well find you can do your new job standing on your head and either drop to 3 days after a time or spend an hour each lunchtime doing some of the admin etc.

Agree with all others. The work climate is awful at the moment and anything relying on funding streams that aren't already approved at flimsy at best at the moment. I'd take the job and move if the other comes to fruition.