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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother hates me

6 replies

ickystickybubblegun · 13/11/2025 10:40

My brother suffers from mental health issues, has done his entire adult life. He has schizophrenia and has been ok but just angry and nasty for the past five years (before which he had a major psychosis, which he blames me for).

If you met him you wouldn’t know there’s anything wrong. He seems like a happy jolly chap who loves his kids and makes lots of jokes, the life and soul of the party. For years most of my family thought we were just exaggerating or making up his illness (this is called anosognosia, where the individual just hasn’t a clue they are ill). They have been convinced by him, through drip drip drip feeding, that I and his ex wife are to blame for his ‘mild depression’ as he calls it.

He just despises me. I was in hospital with sepsis last week and he just did not care, text, ask ‘are you ok’. Today he is coming round as he will, inevitably, ask for money. Again. I hate it. I actually just am done with him.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 13/11/2025 12:01

What do you want to do OP? Stop lending him money? Stop seeing him?

ickystickybubblegun · 13/11/2025 12:52

I guess I just want to be able to have a normal family life. I’m feeling sorry for myself I guess. I was in hospital and he just didn’t care.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 14/11/2025 11:17

You are in control here, you don’t have to see him or lend him money. He doesn’t treat you well so tell him. You are allowed boundaries with anyone, including family.

Motnight · 14/11/2025 11:30

ickystickybubblegun · 13/11/2025 12:52

I guess I just want to be able to have a normal family life. I’m feeling sorry for myself I guess. I was in hospital and he just didn’t care.

But due to your brother's behaviour that's impossible, Op. I think that you could do with setting yourself some boundaries - not giving him money etc.

moderate · 14/11/2025 11:53

Just don't give him money.

Cynic17 · 14/11/2025 11:59

You have to factor in that he is extremely unwell, so "normal rules" don't necessarily apply.
But that doesn't mean that you go along with everything he wants. Stop giving him money, as said already.

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