Friend suggesting ideas for my birthday....

[HelloCharming]

Got a birthday in the middle of the week, November, weather is crap where I am and I'm recovering from flu so am also playing catch up with work while being tired. Friend has taken the day off in case 'I want to do something' - for context she has more annual leave left than I do and her birthday is around the same time. Some friends and I are going out for dinner with her on her birthday which is a weekend, doing a walk and having lunch.,

She's suggesting a half day candle making class - it's not my thing - but to be honest if she'd suggested it for her birthday I'd have probably been game and said yes to keep her company.

I'm out for dinner with DH, her and my in laws in the evening of my birthday.

I'm feeling deeply uninspired, got a lot on at work, but am wondering whether I'll regret this on the day if I just work.

Sounds like she's doing it for herself but masking it as something for you for your birthday. YANBU, just say it's not your thing. If she's a good friend she'd know what you like and would think of something else. Why not give her some ideas?

You're going out for lunch, two dinners, and a walk. That's loads.
I expect no one ever regretted not attending a candle making workshop, just say you can't do anymore activities.

Yes, this is what I'm thinking. It's what she'd like to do. She's a very good friend. I'm just out of ideas at the moment for somethign different to do. We don't live somewhere flush with things to do!

Why is she going out with you and your in-laws on your birthday - that is odd

I'm not sure what the issue is here. Just tell her you're not taking a day off for your birthday. You're already going out for dinner for your birthday in the evening, and apparently she's going along to that meal, so why would you also need to do something with her during the day?

Do you normally take your birthday off?

I personally don't take my own birthday off, let alone take a day off for a friends birthday!

If you want to take the day as leave then do so, but you don't have to spend it with your friend and if you do decide to see said friend it doesn't need to be a big ticket item. Have lunch / go for a walk / cinema. Whatever.

It's really not a massive problem. 😐

Actually think your friend is very thoughtful I would cancel my days’ leave if I got wind of this thread.

say "sounds like a great idea for your birthday"

And just go for dinner?

This made me laugh, imagining someone on their deathbed "my one regret...if only I'd done that candle making workshop....how different my life could have been....! "😀

But yeah OP I would just leave it. Or, alternatively, tell her you can't take the time off work to do something, but take it and just relax - an unexpected lazy day might be what's needed to get back after flu and then you'll be in a position to really enjoy the weekend rather than being knackered from a busy week.

She knows them well and we all enjoy each other's company. So not odd at all!

You must be very hard work as a friend if you'd be offended that a mate didn't fancy taking a day out of her own annual leave to do something with you, which wasn't really her type of thing, on her own birthday. Especially if she'd already invited you to her birthday meal that evening.

You sound as though you might need a day off - but to get over your flu! You can have a lie-in, go for a short walk , a cafe lunch, then an afternoon on the sofa with hopefully a nice new birthday present book and maybe a nap, before leisurely getting ready to go out.

DF could be good company for the first bit if she fancies it, your dog/cat/fleecu throw are all the company you need for the afternoon.

But if this is just going to make the rest of your week more pressured, don't do it. Do whatever is best for your wellbeing. Post-flu fatigue is a bastard so I would dodge anything extra that isn't restful, health-giving or just plain essential for a couple of weeks actually.

I expect no one ever regretted not attending a candle making workshop

🤣 for some reason this really made me chuckle