If you were ill with Shingles would family still come and stay?

[Daisypod]

Just wanted peoples opinions. If you were ill with shingles and felt really rough would family still come for a four day visit or would they offer to cancel?
I am being unreasonable - they would still come
Im not unreasonable- they would offer to cancel

They'd offer to come and look after me.

Just cancel if you're not up to hosting. Surely that's your decision to make?

No. And I'm usually the first to say that people are too flaky these days in terms of cancelling.

But shingles. No, you don't want to be passing that on to anybody.

Although your AIBU doesn't really make sense? It isn't up to the visitors to decide. If you've got shingles you need to tell them not to come round. Not wait for them to offer to cancel!

If you’re feeling poorly, whether shingles or another bug, they should refuse to come. Unfair on you and them. Plus shingles is more risky if they’re vulnerable. (Unless they plan to look after you and/or kids etc).

or as others have said, cancel the visit.

This makes no sense, OP. You’re the one with shingles. You’re the one hosting. You’re the one who decides whether you feel sufficiently unwell not to want to have visitors.

I’ve had shingles twice. The first time I couldn’t have hosted, the second time I could have done, it’s a very variable illness.

My daughter had it when she was young and was still well enough and able to go to school. The rash had to be covered but she was not expected to stay at home when she had it.

YANBU, but you may have to tell them how you are feeling. A lot of people don't understand how bad shingles can make you feel.

I wouldn’t have anyone visiting if I had Shingles it’s very infectious

I would not wait for them to offer to cancel. Shingles is horrible. I would be saying ‘sorry folks, I have shingles so cancelling your visit’. Then I would be clearing off back to my duvet.
I hope you feel better soon.

I would give them the option if they feel like hosting and if they decide to come anyone of them could contract it , but I wouldn’t risk it

They wouldn't need to offer, because I'd be telling them they couldn't come stay as soon as they started feeling rough.

I'd be the one who knew how ill I was, so I'd be the one making that decision.

I would cancel visitors. EOD.

Tell them you're too ill to host, and that the trip has to be cancelled. Don't give them the option to come, it's your choice, not theirs.

To be honest I think most people would want to give you a wide berth and stay away.

I know nothing about shingles and certainly didn’t know you could feel so bad with it - I thought it was like chicken pox with just a rash. You need to actually tell them how you feel and explain that you’re not well enough and suggest a rescheduling to another date maybe.

Why are you waiting/hoping for them to cancel? You have agency…cancel them!

Some people have no shame or self awareness and need to be explicitly told.

The worst month of my life hands down was one winter when we had a series of viruses and secondary infections tear through our house knocking us all out one by one, D&V, flu, ear infections, chest infections, tonsillitis, you name it one of us had it. DD was so ill by the end she had to be admitted to hospital for 3 days.

We'd had plans with in laws to come and stay with us for weeks beforehand and their weekend landed a few days after DD was discharged. In laws had known all about what we'd been through yet were still actively preparing to come. Obviously we told them not to but I am still astonished they wanted or expected to come anywhere near our sickness infested house and be hosted for a long weekend.

Tell them no!

It depends, if this has been booked months in advanced and family / friends are travelling from afar at great expense, I’d offer them a room, order in a shop the day after their arrival and ask them to fend for themselves (which would include making their own beds and putting away the shopping). If they are just travelling a few hours, I’d ask them to postpone. I wouldn’t expect them to make that call though, because unless you’ve had shingles or know someone who has had it, you wouldn’t necessarily know just how debilitating, painful and exhausting it is.
Hope you feel better soon OP.

Chicken pox is bloody awful though…and makes you feel really unwell! I’ve just nursed my granddaughters through it (aged 2 and 7) and the poor little mites were so, so ill! The 7 year old was actually delirious one night…with a temperature of 102. I know some people get a ‘mild dose’ but more often it’s pretty bloody horrible.

I've had shingles twice and was lucky enough to feel completely fine. My family have all had chicken pox. So I'm not sure they'd think anything of it and expect to proceed as planned unless I actively told them I was too ill.

Have you started the meds? I had shingles and started the meds and felt physically fine except a bit of pain.
my scabs were under clothes and I was told as long as they did not touch other people i myself was not contagious just my scabs
but the issue is if you don’t feel well then te then not to come

Shingles itself isnt contagious but if someone hasnt had chicken pox , they can get it. You are absolutely right that no one should be coming. Never mind being so ill that you probably just need to rest.

I wouldn't wait for them to offer to cancel. I would just say 'really sorry to cancel the visit, but I have shingles'.