I only had one

[Cheeseandchutney]

I came home from work at 5.45pm yesterday and my husband was slurring badly. He said he’d had one beer (apparently) after the school run and didn’t see an issue with it. I said I didn’t like coming home to it, he raised his voice, swore at me and told me I piss him off and I’m being ridiculous. Our 9 year old son was in the next room with the door open. I left the house for 20 minutes to cool down so it didn’t escalate and when I came back he’d thrown my dinner in the bin and told my son they could have a sleepover in our bed so I had to sleep on the sofa. There were no beer bottles in sight so they’d gone in the outside bin instead of the empty inside one. We’ve had this same argument countless times and can’t get past it. We’ve just had months of marriage counselling and he agreed in front of the counsellor that he wouldn’t do it but away from counselling he doesn’t see why it upsets me. AIBU?

You are married to an alcoholic and shouldn’t ever be left alone with your children op.

This is serious

Please say the school run doesn’t involve him driving?

Does he work?

I would not be impressed if my child was staying overnight in a house with a pissed-up arguing dad! I hope you put the friend off?

Oh goodness just seen your past threads

This will have been a frankly diabolical environment for your children Op. you need to salvage the rest of their childhood but making the leap. There is no hope to this marriage. Zilch

It's the son having a sleepover in his own parents bed I think

You cannot reason or logic an alcoholic into rational behaviour. They cannot stop until they choose to and that often doesn't happen until they hit rock bottom and may not happen at all. You have to break up with him there is no safe way for you and your child to stay with him. Fixing him is not your job and could never succeed anyway. Protecting your child from growing up with an alcoholic in thr home is your responsibility and you have to take that seriously.

Been their and tshirt. This is doing more damage to your son than you realise. You're asking for help so please listen and accept people's advice. Your dh won't change because you want him to and he's gas lighting you. Does he drink every day?

Got the tshirt

For your child's sake call social services before someone else has too, and this is less harsh than i want to be, someone needs to care for this child

Kick him out. This is no life for a child. This is no life for you. He obviously can't be trusted to stick to his word, most alcoholics can't. Why are you putting up with it?

OP your husband is an alcoholic. Your child will suffer being around him just as he suffered from growing up with an alcoholic father himself.

Your posts from 2022 are the same - nothing has changed in all the years you've been together. He can't stop drinking and abusing you so it's up to you to change your sons life for the better - and yours - by breaking free of the cycle and leaving him.

If he wants to quit drinking he can join AA or Smart but you need to stay separated for at least a year so he can focus on quitting. He can visit son IF he's sober, but not if he's had even 1 drink.

This won't change unless and until you make the change.

You need to start gathering your data and planning for how you will extricate this person from your life OP. For the sole reason that this will and has been affecting your little son. He will only have one childhood and by staying, you are directly impacting it. It is easy for me as a stranger on the internet to say that you need to leave or get away but I cannot emphasise enough, from every fibre of my being and from one mother to another, you need to leave and get away from this person, ideally by stating that he needs to leave. Do you have a trusted family member you can reach out to in order to help with getting him away from you and your son? The aspect of this which is most worrying and concerning also is throwing your dinner in the bin as often violence in the home (and I speak from experience) starts with violence against your objects or things and then escalates. I am so concerned for you 😢As one woman to another, someone who belittles you, threatens you, demeans you and undermines you in this way does not deserve to live under the same roof as you and your little boy. Please get him away from you.

OP if you stay, the chances that your son grows up to be an alcoholic are hugely hugely increased. Do you want this to be him in 25 years?

This.

Your husband is 100% in the wrong but please do not go out and leave your child with someone who is so drunk they can't even speak.

Your DS is learning from him that it's acceptable to be drunk any time, the strongest message you can give your DS is to leave and show him that's wrong. Your DH isn't ready to give up @Cheeseandchutney , it's all talk in counselling, he has all the hallmarks of alcoholism _ he drinks as soon as he's home, he lies about how much he drinks and he hides the bottles to cover up, most of all he's angry you won't go along with his lies.
This is no life Op, living with a man you can't trust, who will only get worse. Either he stops drinking or he needs to go

Oh dear. I've just read your previous threads.

You've been posting since 2021 about him having a drink problem and wanting to leave.

In 2022 you said he was drinking at lunchtime and then going to pick your son up from school?!

Sorry but what the fuck are you still doing with this man?! You know he could kill your child if he's drink driving don't you?!

I finally did it. I said I couldn’t take any more and I asked him to leave. He moved out yesterday. He’s being difficult already. We are both due to get paid this week and he has tons of overtime and a bonus due to be paid that he earned this month while we were together which he said he is keeping because we are separated now. Where do I stand?? I would only use it for our sons Christmas presents and birthday presents which is in January. He couldn’t have earned it without me being at home doing the childcare 😢

Apply for maintenance.

Just wanted to say congratulations on making the decision. Stay strong and focus on supporting your son.

Go to a family solicitor and get advice OP.

Some do half an hour free. If you can find one that does write down the questions you have and have them out in front of you and keep to the point.

Half an hour goes fast!

The best xmas present you could EVER have given your son is leaving and getting him away from that situation. So be proud and content that you've done that 💐💐💐💐

Good luck you can do this.