To try and beat depression without meds?

[MessyNDepressy]

I have clinical depression and anxiety. I’ve been diagnosed for a few years now but realistically I was unwell for quite a long time before that. I’ve probably had some level of depression since my teenage years but it reached its peak about 4/5 years ago. Not just low mood - ongoing suicidal thoughts etc. There has been mention from Drs that I may have ADHD but the waiting list for diagnosis in my area is 3+ years so it’s irrelevant. I ended up on citalopram for about 18 months. It did help to a degree but a few months ago I had to come off them. They gave me insomnia which never went away and the lack of sleep was starting to make me more depressed/anxious. Dr suggested I try Mirtazapine but despite collecting the prescription, I’ve never taken them. The side effects like excessive weight gain, sedative effect etc scare me too much. I know there are other options but they all have side effects and I think I’m pretty sensitive to medication. I had restless legs, dry mouth etc the whole time I took Citalopram, it never went away. I also really struggled to go to work and look after my son when I first started taking them. I don’t have the free time to keep trying different ones, suffering the symptoms etc to see if I may or may not find one that works.

I’m in a position now where I had a good period of maybe 3-4 weeks where I felt better than I’ve felt in memory but have now come crashing back down. The dark thoughts are back, the crippling anxiety from the second I open my eyes, not looking after myself, feeling overwhelmed by basic life and generally just feeling like I’m drowning. At this point, I just want to give up, I’m so tired of trying and having to fight every single day to just be alive.

I’m trying to claw my way out without using medication by making a plan of regular exercise, drinking water and eating better, vitamins, creating a basic routine and good habits, online CBT (possibly therapy sessions if I can afford them), breathing exercises - all the stuff that should, in theory, work. Has anyone else managed to actually beat depression without medication? I’m scared that I don’t have the level of discipline it will take but I won’t survive the rest of my life like this.

I should add that mental health issues run in my family, mostly undiagnosed or medicated with alcohol. Multiple people have committed suicide and others have attempted. I don’t drink or self medicate any other way other than hiding in bed and doom scrolling.

I have tried coming off them several times but can not cope ! Even with food sleep and exercise etc
It took trying a few meds to find the right one
Ihave succumbed to the fact I have an imbalance and will be on them for life
All the best

Your brain is missing a chemical, the meds replace it. Then, when you're in a better place and have been for six months if not longer you can titrate down.
I've been on, and then come off citalopram twice. I've kept future episodes at Bay by working part time, exercising regularly and avoiding prolonged stress.
There's no reward for not using meds and there's certainly no shame in needing them.
Take the meds.

You know what else has side-effects? Untreated depression and anxiety.

Meds changed my life and the side effects (extremely minimal in my case) are a billion times better than the darkness and other impacts that depression gave me.

I'm sorry OP it sounds like you're really poorly and it's an awful place to be. I have used sertraline really successfully. Just a low dose, my only side effect is a dry mouth which is annoying but manageable.

My sense is lifestyle is great for maintainance of wellness but by itself when you're in a dark place it's never worked to pull me out by itself.

My DH has been off antidepressants for 4 years and considers himself 'recovered' after a decade of severe depression. He was a lot better than he had been when I met him 3 years before coming off meds but he still had down days/weeks. He claims he did it by having cold showers every day and giving up sugar and UPFs. It may not be as simple as that but it was definitely linked.

making a plan of regular exercise, drinking water and eating better, vitamins, creating a basic routine and good habits, online CBT (possibly therapy sessions if I can afford them), breathing exercises

To be honest, this is the stuff everyone should be doing on top of medication. Medication alone is not a panacea, but also requires all of what you describe as a ‘required supplement’.

I take meds for depression. Had to try several to find a good fit, and for me, that’s stuff that is not ‘free/flat charge’, but rather I pay a decent sum per month for it. Thankfully, I’m in a position to do this and it’s worth it to me. I do have some kids who also require, but they have been ‘lucky’ enough to seem suited to some bog standard ones that are flat charge.

Literally could have written this myself. But I eventually took the meds and never looked back. Life changing. I fought for years to beat it by any other way but nothing worked and I wasted years of my life. I’m 2 years into meds and I’m a new person.

Thanks for all your replies. I have read them all but I’ve got some horrible bug this week on top of how I’ve been feeling and just don’t have it in me to reply properly. I’m going to speak with the doctors about a different antidepressant as I’ve just got too much fear of the possible side effects of Mirtazapine. Thanks again.

You might find this thread interesting

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/5049303-i-microdose-magic-mushrooms-for-my-mental-health-ama

Hope the bug doesn’t last too long.

I hope you recover soon from the bug. That's a lot all at once. The GP sounds a really good idea

One of the most frustrating bits the way life carries on throwing shit at us, whether we are in a good enough place to deal with it or not. Flat tires, leaky roofs and bugs when getting up is a challenge.

I’ve had MH battles on and off since I was a teenager too and never taken meds. The best thing to tackle it for me is always exercise, literally running away from my problems I know but it does help me personally. Particularly running outside, the fresh air and natural endorphins together is a powerful combination. Whenever I stop running for a period, I gain weight which then makes me lack confidence and the depression starts up again- just a vicious cycle.

I’ve had counselling a couple of times too. CBT was really ineffective for me but talking therapy worked well. Also find just keeping active and busy helps, if I don’t have much going on in life it worsens.

I think you sound strong and self-aware. The ADs side effects sound shit. Why woul you not try to manage your mental health without them. (As people have done throughout all of history, until the recent invention and widespread distribution of these medicines? )
I also think it's rubbish to suggest you can't be a good mother without them, or that you should medicate yourself for his sake.

This exactly what I did. Every word you've said I said. I convinced myself I was supporting myself and children, but realistically it was a gradual downwards spiral that nearly killed me.
I thought I'd handled it well enough that the children wouldn't notice, but my DD recently said she knew everything and told me some very specific details of something that happened five years earlier, that I was shocked by.
Please take the meds xxx

You sound very unwell and like you need to be taking medication.

I don’t blame you having trepidation about the mirtazapine.
I have treatment resistant depression and have been on it years.
It is the lesser of two evils to me.
It’s equivalent to me to being mildly stoned all of the time but before it my brain felt like a rat trapped in a cage.
Years ago my psychiatrist said mirtazapine was a sort of last ditch treatment where other medications/ treatments haven’t worked.
It surprises me to hear of so many GPs prescribing it these days. It seems to have become almost a go-to for them.
To be honest, having spent years (decades) in psychiatric care, I don’t think most GPs are qualified/ equipped to be treating depression but that’s the way things seem to have gone.
I have tried to cope with depression without meds.
All through ttc, pregnancy, years of bf, I refused meds out of anxiety of it affecting dd. Then it became almost like a martyrdom for want of a better word.
Being fixated on not taking meds became a symptom of the illness.
I forced myself to go back on them eventually and once I did, my brain cleared and I couldn’t believe I had held out for so long refusing them.
Is there any chance you could get referred to a psychiatrist or see one privately? It sounds like that’s what you need more than anything.

I read the OP and skipped the rest I’ll be honest. I can’t give you advice but I’m AuDHD, with depression and generalised anxiety disorder. I found EMDR therapy helpful last year and also I rented a Flow device around the same time. I’m not sure that CBT ever helped me with a ND mind. I wish I could access DBT instead but think EMDR & Flow had the most impact on me and helped me make improvements in other areas of my life where I felt paralysed and stuck. Previously, sertraline had dulled me and I felt desperate to get off it as I couldn’t ‘feel’ anything. Just sharing what worked for me.

The answer to your question is...maybe. If you can identify, or even hazard a guess at, the cause of the anxiety and depression (with or without the help of a therapist) you can work to reverse the beliefs that are at the root.

Antidepressants are notorious for exacerbating RLS, to the extent that I certainly can’t tolerate that side effect. But I suffer from it already, so not all those meds might actually bring it on for the first time.
But isnt it a basic tenet of treatment that it can take many trial runs to find the AD which does suit you? Depression as serious and ‘embedded’ as yours needs chemical adjustment.
I read only recently about on lone AD which is offered when all else has proven unsuitable, and which gets good reviews. Natch, I cant recall the brand but any GP must know it.

Another idea worth discussing with the GP is taking a daily anti D you'd tolerate were it not for speediness and restless legs, topped up with Pregabalin in the evening, which addresses the RLS comprehensively and is extremely effective at quelling anxiety, and also it’s great for sleep.

I have no right, let alone qualifications, to make such suggestions but I have found overworked GPs can be very receptive to workable plans.
But please reconsider this going it alone plan. If you are as badly off as this, the drugs will work. Let them.

You are doing amazingly to be looking after your wellbeing so actively, and all of that will help your mood but, given what you've said about your situation, family history etc, I do think you are making it so much harder for yourself in giving up on the antidepressants.
Go back and talk to your prescriber about your concerns.

I take Mirtazapine and it’s great ! First night I took it I slept so deeply I did wake up zombified, but that soon wore off . I also take magnesium and generally sleep much better than I ever have. In all honesty I think Mirtazapine saved me, I was in a really bad way but as soon as I started taking it I slept better, which had knock on effects for everything else. I haven’t put on any weight thankfully as I am already overweight and am a comfort eater, which I really need to tackle.

Take a look at this podcast discussing a study treating ADHD and depression with a ketogenic diet. Done in the UK, an actual study showing that a ketogenic diet, just changing what you eat, can improve mental health outcomes.

If anyone wants a google:
Oxford’s Keto for ADHD & Depression Randomized Controlled Trial - with Ally Houston

Oh and I’ve tried cbt, it was ok and helped a bit but I realised that I wasn’t telling the lady the whole truth about something I was embarrassed about, and it did really affect how successful it was . I then had the good fortune to find an extremely good counsellor, she quickly sussed me out and I am extremely fortunate that I was able to be completely honest with her, I’ve told her things I’ve never told anyone before, and she has helped me tremendously.

This is someone who is very clear that she feels suicidal

She is also a single parent of a young teen

i think any poster to suggest that the op give self managing a whirl is reckless. This isn’t mild depression. This sounds utterly debilitating for the OP and will be impacting her son.

OP, rest up but get that doc app in the diary

I’m hesitant to mention this, as it may not work for you. I was in the highest dose of citalopram for years and it never really felt like it was helping. I started on every other day B12 injections for overwhelming exhaustion and found within a month I was down to the lowest dose every other day, and after 3 months I wasn’t taking it anymore and my depression was gone.

It may be worth getting your vitamin levels checked as several of them can contribute to depression.

I would also say be open to trying different anti depressants too.

good luck!