To wonder: how do you rebuild a healthy relationship with sex after it was warped by someone else?

[TheMauveLark]

How (if ever) do you come back to a healthy, consensual and connected relationship with sex, especially with men, after being in a relationship with someone who used sex in unhealthy ways? In my case, he had a toxic relationship with sex, clear issues with sexual identity and made sex feel degrading and confusing instead of safe and mutual. I know healing looks different for everyone but AIBU to think this kind of damage isn’t talked about enough, and that it can take years to even want to reclaim sex as something meaningful again? Has anyone been through something similar and come out the other side?

I think it’s probably one for a therapist, to be honest. It’s such a complex and uniquely personal thing and I think it would be tricky to discuss with people without having to reveal too many intimate details. The specifics feel quite important and I think a private conversation with a therapist would be a safer way to talk it through than Mumsnet.

I think you need to go back to the start of your sexual journey. Re-explore what your likes and dislikes are without coercion.
However the psychological damage needs to be analysed and understood, re-evaluated and for that you need a professional psycho sexual/sexual somatic therapist.