To go 50/50 on the bills even though I’m the higher earner?

[Amabet]

I met DP five years ago, he has three children. For the first three years of our relationship I paid about 75% of our costs, eventually getting into debt when I was on maternity leave and he wouldn’t contribute more. I paid all of our house deposit (protected in deed of trust), plus all of his car bills at this time, all food and holidays, all the kids’ clothes and toys, even things like his glasses.

Since having our child I’ve cut my hours (he didn’t want me to), cleared my debts and now refuse to pay more than 50%. I’m building up some savings. He gets regular handouts from his parents.

AIBU to say I’ll be sticking to 50/50 indefinitely? I still treat him and his kids fairly regularly, just nothing like before.

YANBU now but why were you paying so much previously?

Why are you with him?

Of course yanbu, but it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. Do you plan to stay with him?

Why would you have a child with someone you can just share things with? I don't understand this approach. Yes, of course protect big interests but surely it's easier to have one big pot that all the bills go into and then have two savings accounts if you like which other money goes into (you could at this point take more as you're the higher earner)

My husband earns £120k and I earn £15k. Everyone goes into one big pot and we share the success. That's what marriage is about, but we did this before we got married when we'd had our first child. At that point, I was actually the higher earner. I also paid the bulk of our house deposit. Swings and roundabouts. If either of us wants something that's ££ we just discuss it with each other. Genuinly think if you can't trust someone with money, you definitely cannot trust them to raise a child with.

Why on earth have you wasted 5 years of your life bankrolling a cocklodger and his brood?

Wow he landed on his feet...

He saw you coming

So you are now part time /less hours but still earn more money then him

yes he should pay for his kids plus equally needs to pay for your joint kid as well

glad house deposit is safe

I'm assuming he also has some good qualities as he doesn't sound a particularly nice partner...

YANBU to insist on paying half. That's fair.

He should be paying more than 50% since he has 4 children there and you have one. 65/35 sounds fair!

paid about 75% of our costs, eventually getting into debt when I was on maternity leave and he wouldn’t contribute more

So you paid more, got into debt, maternity leave having his child and he still refused to contribute, I dont even want to carry on explaining the rest of your post... why dont you re-read your post and imagine your daughter was telling you this was the situation with her bloke... You know youre not being unreasonable, but in reality why are you still with this cocklodging loser? Seriously?