4yo won’t wear a nappy to bed…

[BoredOfChangingSheets]

…but is very much not able to wake himself up when he needs a wee. He decided a couple of weeks ago that he wasn’t going to wear a nappy at night any more so I’ve let him try, but he’s only had 2 nights of not soaking through his sheets. He’s adamant that he won’t wear a nappy, and obviously I can’t force him to! What should I do? I can’t deal with the broken sleep and laundry 😭

I'd say help him. I'm presuming he goes to bed about 7, so limit drinks a little before he goes to bed. Wake him at 10 and take him to the toilet - keep the lights loo so he settles back to sleep easily. Consider getting an alarm that you can attach to his pyjamas which will wake him if he's starting to go. It's a learning process.

If he's not waking when he wets, one of those alarms that goes off at the first drop of pee might help him. You can read about them on the ERIC website.

We did a dark v quiet loo trip when we went to bed at 10.30 each night for a few months.
It is really positive that he wants no nappy. If he has wet by the time you go in at 10.30 try earlier.. it will give you an idea what time you need to pop in and take him to the loo,

I lifted dd onto the potty in her semi sleep from three until five before I went to bed.

I used to do this with mine.

Get waterproof sheets and you will have to get used to washing them and his pjs some mornings until it stops and he trains himself to hold ot in.

“Lifting” is pretty common amongst kids his age. When you go to bed you gently take them to the loo, keeping everything very dark and quiet and they have a wee and then go straight back to sleep / barely even wake up in the first place. Doesn’t work with everyone though - my oldest son would fully wake up and take ages to go back so I used to get the puppy training pads and put them in his bed for night time accidents!

It is a positive that your DS doesn't want to wear a nappy. It will mean some extra washing and before bedtime toilet checks in the short term but it will be worth it.

Agree with lifting him out for a wee before you go to bed (although we still sometimes had accidents after doing this!) but we also put an incontinence topsheet on the bed, which can be whipped off to dry sheets underneath. Friends have layered up bedding with disposable puppy pads inbetween the sheets, which also works and is less disruptive than changing the entire bed overnight.

You need multiple sheets, multiple plastic sheets, and multiple puppy pads.

Layering is your friend! Plastic sheet, puppy pad, then normal sheet - do this two or three times. If you have them, fleecy blankets instead of a duvet as they dry much quicker and wick away the wee better than a duvet. If you can't, then a fleecy blanket with a duvet on top helps.

Then they can be easily whipped off during the night (get your son to help you) and just leave till the morning to wash. Lay out clean PJs as well. Would he try Ninjamas pants?

I had two who wet in the night until quite late - one of them wasn't arsed in the slightest and wore a pull up; the other wouldn't so we did the above.

NB - you can lift or whatever, but not peeing at night is due to a hormone; if he's not ready, he's not ready. You can't force it.

Thanks for the replies so far. I hadn’t heard of the bedwetting alarms so will look into that. I should have said he’s already doing a wee before bed and I’m getting him up for one before I go to bed, it’s the wee after that he’s struggling with - usually around 2-3 AM. How often should kids wee in the night?! And how long did it take your little ones to get the hang of this?

Completely agree, which is why I’ve stuck it out - definitely don’t want to go back now but it would be good to see some progress 😂

Alarm worked pretty quick for us with different ages eg week or two and not many accidents before more confident of being dry. But will only work if they are close to being ready

using the alarm - we did pants inside with alarm attached then pull up ) older kid type ones over then pyjamas so the pull up catches the leak as it starts/as alarm going off

For night wetting this is a hormone that kicks in at some point, for some kids it’s early but for many it can take a while (and I think boys are often later) mine weren’t dry at night until 6ish and that was with lifting at around 11pm as well. I bought pull up pants which seem slightly more grown up than traditional nappies. I tried letting them be wet but it just didn’t help and they didn’t ‘learn’. It just happened in their own time.

Does he wet the bed every night? I got some training pants not pampers washable ones and a waterproof bed sheet. It's all a blur now as it was so long ago. It's tough and the laundry is endless at the time but eventually he stopped. Remember to limit his drinks before bedtime.

I had this with mine when she was little, I used to reduce drinks after 6pm - so small amounts and a couple of sips before bed around 8pm. I would also wake her around 11.30 or 12 when I went to bed and walk her to the loo (pretty much asleep) and let her go - it reduced the wetting. I also had waterproofs on the bed, layered up with sheets and often used old cot sheets (flat not fitted) and layed those up so could just whip them off and get jamas off and get child back to bed asap. Quick bath or shower in the am - so often didn't do bath at nighttime just in the am instead

when you say he won’t wear a nappy, will he not wear pull ups?

At night time it’s hormonal. Honestly I’d insist on nappies. It’s not something he can control or work on and you don’t want to deal with wet sheets multiple times a week. He’s still young

The body has to produce a hormone called vasopressin which reduces urine production at night. Without it they have a full bladder which needs to be emptied during the night and clearly he isn't producing this. But he isn't waking up to go to the toilet either.

If you took this nappy off attitude with my eldest child you would have 6 more years of bedwetting. Ds1 was 10 before he was reliably dry at night. Ds2 was 3 and dry at night.

OP read up on the ERIC website and you can follow their guidelines. For us that included monitoring liquid intake and output (pee into measuring jug) reducing red juices and the time they drink. A bedwetting alarm which for a lot of children just leaves them traumatised, wakes the whole house up and the child is too disorientated to turn it off by themselves.

We had waterproof bedding from incontinence websites, usually aimed at elderly people. But, just know that a lot of children are not dry at night by the time they start school. ERIC has the stats on this and great advice.

Sadly a lot of parents tell their children that nappies are for babies and to be a big boy/big girl they wear pants for potty training. This then becomes a problem at night when they still need a nappy. You will need to try to explain that he needs the nappy at night.

Agree with this. I have 2 kids and one was dry at night from about 2, even before we potty trained he would have a dry nappy every morning. The other unfortunately was wetting at night until 5. We put the pull ups on as he was getting so upset waking up wet. Called them "night time pants" and not nappies. Just marketing 😂. Would he wear them?

If he’s weeing before bed, you’re lifting him as you’re going to bed and he’s still wetting again at 2-3am then he’s clearly not producing the hormone necessary to be dry at night yet. Which is totally normal because 4 is the average age for this so many, many kids aren’t dry until later. Medically it’s not late until age 7. When he is ready he’ll just sleep through without needing to wake for the loo. Essentially you have a behavioural problem and he needs to wear a nappy or pull up. Try bribery e.g. TV in the mornings if he keeps it on combined with getting the pyjama pants that say age 4-7 on the pack so he doesn’t feel like he’s wearing baby nappies. When they’ve been dry for a week straight then he’s ready and you can get rid. Chances are this will happen within the next year no matter what you do. Him not wearing them is achieving nothing except a giant pile of laundry!

Pull up or nappy? Most won't go near a nappy after 3

Thank you for this information but I was already aware of this. I'm not saying you should take away a nappy from a child who is comfortable wearing one. OP clearly explained her DS is refusing to wear one. I have never condone that wearing a nappy is shameful. So I'm not sure why you quoted me.

Ahhh I see it's because I say it's positive.

@Icecreamhelps it was because you said, "in the short term but it will be worth it." For a lot of parents, it isn't short term. It is still something that isn't talked about, there still seems to be a stigma attached to it.

I don't know who knows about vasopressin and who doesn't.