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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel completely undermined at work?

36 replies

JaffaCakes12 · 11/11/2025 11:00

I work in healthcare, and I am assigned to six schools. Four schools are close, two are far, and we only have one assistant at the moment.
The assistant is there to help us carry out our sessions.

She says no to visiting the further schools because she isn’t comfortable with driving, so I’ve ended up doing all visits this half-term. I even offered to take on the further-away child if she would swap and pick up some of my nearby schools - she refused, saying it “wasn’t appropriate” because a) she didn’t understand the targets and b) there were other children waiting.
She hasn’t visited a single one of my schools.

I have been raising this with supervisors weeks ago. Their approach has been extremely indirect (sending general reminder emails to all assistants, arranging monthly meetings, etc.) but nobody is actually addressing the behaviour head-on.

But last week it got worse:
I put her initials next to the children I needed her to see (as advised by my supervisor). She removed her initials. I put them back. She immediately messaged me asking why, and said she thought it was a typo... I explained I have no capacity and that the school is extremely close so would be helpful for her. She then changed the initials to “assistant” - presumably because another assistant is starting soon.

I then assigned two more overdue children to her (the same ones she previously refused to swap with me). She ignored the tasks completely and has now removed her initials again.

So:

  • She is repeatedly removing her name from children I assign
  • She is ignoring messages
  • She is altering notes I have written next to children on the waiting list
  • Supervisors keep handling everything indirectly and softly
  • None of them are actually acknowledging that she keeps overriding me

I'm carrying the entire school caseload, burning out, and feeling completely undermined.

I am considering emailing my line manager about it because I feel the removal of initials, editing my notes etc has gone too far?…

OP posts:
Sillyname63 · 13/11/2025 19:55

I presume the worksheet is drawn up by yourself, is it possible to make it so she is unable to take her initial off , I know this is possible on a spreadsheet. You just block that cell to others. Also when she amends it are you notified automatically if you are can you make it so that your managers are automatically get notifications. This definitely needs to be flagged up as a Red Flag as people will be missed and it should be brought up at any future appraisals.

Fairyliz · 13/11/2025 20:01

You mention that you only have one assistant ‘at the moment’ so I assume you should have two or more?
You say her job is to help ‘us’ so not just you?
Could it be that she is expected to cover the work of two assistants and is digging her heels in?
Having worked in the public sector and having to just pull in extra work through lack of staff I do have sympathy for both of you. I also imagine if she is an assistant she gets paid less than you?

DoveOfPiss · 13/11/2025 20:03

Can you screenshot the system with her initials against the children, then screenshot it again when she removes her initials, timed and dated? Then raise it at your next supervision, and the one after that and make sure it's logged so HR have a record of it on your supervision notes. Equally you could also go to HR and get your union involved as a grievance against your supervisor for not doing anything.

OhDear111 · 13/11/2025 22:57

@JayJayj Who on earth thinks like this? In many ways this is a discipline issue too and will not help. Of course they won’t sort it out.

JayJayj · 13/11/2025 22:59

OhDear111 · 13/11/2025 22:57

@JayJayj Who on earth thinks like this? In many ways this is a discipline issue too and will not help. Of course they won’t sort it out.

In what way is being off sick a disciplinary issue? She is stressed?

Celestialmoods · 13/11/2025 23:12

If you are the qualified professional and she is an unqualified assistant, is it really appropriate for her to be seeing children on her own? If she doesn’t feel confident, then she shouldn’t be delivering the meagre amount of therapy each child receives on her own.

Don’t blame her for your workload, she is paid to assist, not do on her own. The system is not her fault.

OhDear111 · 14/11/2025 09:28

@JayJayj Because she’s not ill. For heaven’s sake! We all get a certain amount of stress at work. It’s normal. What on earth would happen if every snowflake went off sick like this? No wonder we have poor productivity. This is why the problem needs sorting out! For the good of the op, and the dc. It’s not acceptable to say this is stress and it’s medical. It’s not. If you really had seen someone have a breakdown you would not say the op should weaponise annoyance and inability to tackle the issue.

JayJayj · 14/11/2025 09:31

OhDear111 · 14/11/2025 09:28

@JayJayj Because she’s not ill. For heaven’s sake! We all get a certain amount of stress at work. It’s normal. What on earth would happen if every snowflake went off sick like this? No wonder we have poor productivity. This is why the problem needs sorting out! For the good of the op, and the dc. It’s not acceptable to say this is stress and it’s medical. It’s not. If you really had seen someone have a breakdown you would not say the op should weaponise annoyance and inability to tackle the issue.

You can make all the assumptions you want.
OP literally says how much stress it is causing her. It isn’t good for your mental health, which is medical. Don’t try and tell me something that is your opinion while dismissing mine.

MimiGC · 14/11/2025 09:43

Does she not drive at all or is she just not comfortable driving longer distances? What did the job description say about the post holder needing to drive? Is she young/inexperienced? If so, perhaps she needs it spelling out clearly- ie her role is to assist you, so if you reasonably allocate work to her, her role means she has to do it. End of.

OhDear111 · 14/11/2025 11:58

@JayJayj She’s not medically unfit to work! This is a public sector disease. She’s not unwell. Stress is a normal feeling! It’s something that comes and goes in most jobs. It’s not inherently unhealthy. No wonder we’re a failing country. The issue needs to be sorted out and the other employee organised.The op needs to escalate the problem higher. If she flounces off, it’s not acceptable! In many companies behaviour like this would be called out. Only in public service is pulling a sickie advocated. Which is why productivity is dire. As we all know,

JayJayj · 14/11/2025 13:42

OhDear111 · 14/11/2025 11:58

@JayJayj She’s not medically unfit to work! This is a public sector disease. She’s not unwell. Stress is a normal feeling! It’s something that comes and goes in most jobs. It’s not inherently unhealthy. No wonder we’re a failing country. The issue needs to be sorted out and the other employee organised.The op needs to escalate the problem higher. If she flounces off, it’s not acceptable! In many companies behaviour like this would be called out. Only in public service is pulling a sickie advocated. Which is why productivity is dire. As we all know,

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