I think I know I'm being unreasonable, but why?

Sillysoggyspaniel · 10/11/2025 20:48

It's irritating because they say jump and he says how high. I'd take it as a positive that they don't visit you though.

Hankunamatata · 10/11/2025 20:49

How long are the visits?

Surely once every two weeks isn't demanding. We or dh pop over and see dh parents weekly - live same distance

KittytheHare · 10/11/2025 20:50

Your DH visits his parents every second weekend and that’s an issue for you?
I don’t understand why that’s such a problem, it sounds like minimal effort, and you also sound quite unkind speaking of him as “a mummy’s boy”. Do you not visit your own family at all?

ossamu · 10/11/2025 20:50

I’d think it’s quite sweet he likes his mother and they have a good relationship. But if wouldn’t of said mother disliked me etc…

talk with him as ask him whose his top priority. Do not be shocked if he says parents as he’s probably known them for longer… I’d consider my relationship with said person but definitely have a chat first… (with mother AND son etc etc)

FuzzyWolf · 10/11/2025 20:51

I think it depends upon the length of the visit. Once every 14 days doesn’t seem much for someone to see their parent.

Try to answer objectively and how would you feel about only seeing your son two dozen times a year?

Diarygirlqueen · 10/11/2025 20:52

FuzzyWolf · 10/11/2025 20:51

I think it depends upon the length of the visit. Once every 14 days doesn’t seem much for someone to see their parent.

Try to answer objectively and how would you feel about only seeing your son two dozen times a year?

Agree, I think you're being very unkind.

Zempy · 10/11/2025 20:53

Why don’t they visit you?

I think you need to focus on the positives, at least you don’t have to see them.

SoScarletItWas · 10/11/2025 20:55

I would count myself lucky that it’s so contained and predictable. That IS boundaries, no?

He doesn’t ’drop things to do it’ - he knows he’s doing it so he doesn’t book other stuff in.

I’m assuming you don’t have DC and you’re left looking after them all weekend every second weekend. That might make you (slightly) less unreasonable.

MommaMaxine · 10/11/2025 20:56

I hope when my kids move out, they don't have partners who begrudge them visiting me once a fortnight.

Sorry OP, you are being unreasonable. Your DP having a close relationship with his parents is a good thing.

ainsleysanob · 10/11/2025 20:58

How long does each fortnightly visit last? I’d be gutted if I only saw my parents every 2 weeks and my husband would feel the same.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 10/11/2025 20:58

milestoneage · 10/11/2025 20:47

Hi all,

Bit of a random one this because I think I know IBU but I would like some perspective as to (if I am) and why...

My DH goes to visit parents every second weekend. Sometimes I go, sometimes I don't, no big deal. The problem is his mum has him in a chokehold over it and he often feels guilty if he doesn't make it. It then impacts our week because he will have to go after work. They don't visit us. We live ten mins away.

I understand that parents can be demanding but he drops things to make sure he does it and has zero boundaries with them. I hate that they make him feel like he can't just relax and visit the following weekend but it also annoys me that he lets them control him like that.

Like I say, it actually isn't that big a deal but it gives me the ick. Makes me see him as a mummy's boy and no matter how many times I talk to him about how he shouldn't be so drawn in by it, he does anyway.

I know IBU, how do I stop? 🤣

Yabvu- once a fortnight for someone who lives ten mins away is low contact. Do you have kids? You’ll hope they are more like your DH than you - nobody is putting pressure on you to visit which probably means they are relieved you don’t go. You sound awful

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 10/11/2025 20:59

I'm thinking the reason they don’t visit may be because of this woman.

Original poster

milestoneage · 10/11/2025 21:00

Yes, you're right. It is unreasonable of me. That's my point. I guess there's more to it really and I didn't give enough context. Emotional manipulation and making him feel bad if he doesn't. He will then get the silent treatment from his mum for a bit. She does things for attention and withholds information. I know all of these things and so does he which is why I just find it irritating.

You're all dead right, I'm unreasonable but I promise im not unkind. Just honest about how it makes me feel. Just not sure why it makes me feel that way

OP posts:

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 10/11/2025 21:01

Before we got married, DH and I had to visit his parents every weekend. We had very little time for ourselves outside of work. Just clock in, clock out, Saturday evening visit, Sunday whizzed by and then back to work. It was too much and was causing a lot of fights between us. Eventually they agreed on every first Saturday of the month and every Bank Holiday weekend, so sometimes it's at the start of the month, sometimes it's a fortnight.

I think they realised it was tearing us apart as we were both quite on edge every time we saw them and I don't think his mum would have lived it down if she was the sole reason for an engaged couple parting ways. Sometimes they do realise things, it just takes time.

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 10/11/2025 21:07

I wouldn’t want my DH committed to visiting his parents every second weekend. It might not sound like much for some but family time is precious and after work there’s little of it left. I’d expect DH to own the situation and set boundaries.

MellowJello77 · 10/11/2025 21:08

I’m seeing all the responses realising I must be the weirdo cause seeing my parents or my husband’s parents every other week would absolutely do my head in. We only see them a few times a year but I always quite liked visiting his although recently they have gone very right wing and that has put us off. Neiher of us are close to our parents though and neither of us live near to our parents either (though can’t imagine we would see them that often if we did).

I am guessing you probably aren’t close to your parents either which is why it feels weird for him to see his (at least in my mind) so often.

Why don’t his parents come to you ever? Do you get on with them?

It does seem odd to me that he couldn’t ever miss a visit without being guilt tripped.

Doggielovecharlotte · 10/11/2025 21:09

I don’t think UBU - it’s not right for anyone to do this - all should feel comfortable with the arrangement or it’s a manipulation

he has his own family now and parents need to adjust

ossamu · 10/11/2025 21:12

milestoneage · 10/11/2025 21:00

Yes, you're right. It is unreasonable of me. That's my point. I guess there's more to it really and I didn't give enough context. Emotional manipulation and making him feel bad if he doesn't. He will then get the silent treatment from his mum for a bit. She does things for attention and withholds information. I know all of these things and so does he which is why I just find it irritating.

You're all dead right, I'm unreasonable but I promise im not unkind. Just honest about how it makes me feel. Just not sure why it makes me feel that way

How about you ask him to call them instead and have a schedule of once every two weeks or couple weeks? I understand you dislike how much time he gives to them so a FaceTime every couple days surely solves this problem, no?

Frenzi · 10/11/2025 21:14

God I'd love to only see my inlaws once a fortnight! Absolute bliss. My DH works away alot of the time and my SIL decided to move to NZ. I cook for my inlaws 5 times a week and if I dont see them 7 days a week I at least speak to them.

Its bloody exhausting and affects the relationship I have with my own mum because they are so demanding on my time.