I have 4 adult DC, DD1 is 27, lives near home and we are very close, DS1 and DD2 are twins, they are 25, DD2 has always been my most independent child, she’s done a year abroad at uni (happened to be the start of covid too while she was there and decided to ride it out in a foreign country), moved to the other end of the country for uni and still lives in London now etc. my youngest is 23 and also near home as is DS.
As of right now I haven’t seen DD2 since February. I tried to surprise visit her when we visited London in July but actually ended flying out the same day we arrived to go on a holiday she hadn’t told us about.
We speak on the phone sometimes but it’s mostly her calling on walks home after nights out at 2am drunk and just wanting to feel a bit safer or me calling her and getting about 5 minutes before she has to rush off an do something, even if I’ve messaged in advance to plan it.
DS went to see her for a night and they managed to have a 50 minute coffee together before she apologised and told him she had to rush as she’d booked a gym class and was seeing friends that evening. The last 2 years she hasn’t come home for Christmas as she spent it with her now ex (they went away together as he didn’t have a relationship with his family) and this year she isn’t coming home again as she’s decided to go skiing with her friend instead.
Tonight DD1 caught me and said she doesn’t want to come across like she’s telling tales as obviously they are all adults but she is worried about DD2, I asked her to tell me more and she basically listed 3 things
- Her weight, DD2 has always been tall and slim, but DD1 showed me some pics DD2 has posted on instagram and she did look extremely slim. As a teen DD did have some issues with working out crazy amounts, she has always been super conscious about what she eats but it’s when she works out more than she fuels herself that it becomes an issue
- DD1 told me that DD2 frequently uses cocaine. DD1 said it’s pretty normal on the London nightlife scene to use cocaine sometimes but from what she can tell from her conversations with DD2 it’s become every week or every other week and as though she can’t go on a night out without doing it
- This one is touchy as I appreciate it’s absolutely not my business and DD is welcome to approach her love life as she wishes but DD1 said that she worries DD2 has got really reckless with sex lately, she said that on multiple occasions DD has admitted to either going home with a guy on a night out have no idea who he is by the next day or to not using protection (she’s got the coil but no condom) with guys she’s only been on one or two dates with. DD1 said she wouldn’t usually care but it seems out of character for her sister.
DD1 said she has tried to talk to her but as she always rushing from work to gym to night out to dates it’s really hard to get a real conversation with her and that DD never actually seems to have free time.
Now I’m extremely worried, DD is intelligent and she’s successful, she has a masters is in a good job etc. and I don’t want her to throw it all away.
She and her ex did break up early this year so I’m not sure if that’s playing a part.
AIBU to be worried and to ask advice on what to do when DD is always too busy to chat, ignores messages and even if someone surprise visits her will just see them briefly then go back to her plans? It’s basically impossible to plan a trip to see her, I try often always get “oh I’m busy that week, I’ll let you know when I’m free” then she never does.