Would this put you off slightly?

[NotQuiteRight97]

I have got chatting to someone again who I know from quite a while back. He has a big family but doesn’t see them? Just makes me wonder why? Or am I over thinking, what would you think?

I'd probably ask why before jumping to conclusions.

Ahh it's a difficult one that. How does he talk about them? What does he say his reasons are for not seeing them?

I'm not in contact with my entire family but it is many good reasons

If by family you mean his own children, massive red flag.
If it’s parents and siblings, then he could have his reasons for not seeing them.

Sorry, just parents and siblings etc. I think he has 4 or 5 of them. I’m just wondering mainly because he is asking how I’m spending Christmas Day, and said he spent it alone last year and doesn’t see his family

Why would this put you off? His family might be complete arseholes for all you know.

I mean this entirely depends on why doesn't it? Do they all not talk to him because he's not long out of prison for noncing, or does he not talk to them because there was childhood abuse and he's chosen to cut them off? There's a massive amount of reasons a person could be out of touch with their family, some will be deal-breakers and others won't.

I wouldn't be put off until I knew why.

His children? Yes
parents/siblings? No. They could have been horrible to him for all you know

Do the rest of them keep in regular contact with each other? Is it just the fella you’re chatting to that doesn’t mix with them any more?

@NotQuiteRight97 be careful particularly on the run up to Christmas. There's a discomfort in my gut about this

I'd want to know why, without making him feel interrogated. I think it's entirely reasonable to be curious, especially if you potentially want this relationship to develop further. His entire family may be awful, but even if he has valid reasons for not associating with his family, that will still affect any future partner.

I would find it concerning that he didn't have a decent relationship with his family, to be honest, but depending on the reasons (and whether or not his family seemed likely to be a constant source of drama in his life), it might not put me off.

Why not have a proper conversation with him rather than talking about him to others without you having a complete picture

I'd speak to him and find out why.

I haven't spent Christmas Day with either of parents since leaving home. My dad remarried and spent Christmas with his new family every year.

I didn't want to spend Christmas with my mother and she didn't want to spent it with me. I haven't seen her in nearly 15 years because she was abusive. Her behaviour went on to bring the police and SS to our door and led us to going no contact with her or face losing my children.

I see my only brother but never on Christmas Day because although we are fairly close nowadays, we don't often see each other due to the damage caused by the abuse and we had to find our own ways to a place where we could spend time together.

He is actually a good person. As am I.

It someone decided they didn't want to know me or my brother because we don't have a relationship with our mother and don't spend much time with each other, that would be their right to decide that but they'd be blaming the wrong people. We didn't have a choice.

I have no problem with people asking why either. I have a redacted version of the truth that I'm happy to share. Most people accept it.

So talk to him.

No it wouldn’t. Dh doesnt speak to any of his family - they are complete nut jobs. Wasn’t dhs fault at all.

No. I've actually known a few people from large families who don't have anything to do with them. More frequently than smaller ones. My theory is that it can feel more difficult to be yourself if there's a crowd who are different from you. Plus easier to break away as there's less responsibility. The people I know have moved to a different lifestyle from their birth families, have nothing in common, and have drifted away.

I used to think family of origin stuff not important to a successful long term relationship. Married over 20 years and have changed my mind. Find out more.

I’ve got 5 siblings and don’t really see them,they aren’t really awful but I’ve nothing in common with them. They’re not people I’d choose to be friends with.
only time we see each other is funerals and weddings.

He wants to spend Christmas with you?