Can’t shake the sadness

[Jamandtoastfortea]

Im feeling sad and overwhelmed. Not all the time, but a lot more often these days and I don’t know how to fix it. I can do nice things like a lovely beach walk with a friend and im laughing and chatting like the normal me, but then it’s back.

I love my (pre teen) children like nothing else and sometimes I just look at them and want to burst with pride, but I sometimes feel very outnumbered these days. They are triplets and Im the sole parent. We do try to do lovely things together still - walks, galleries, cinema, town, tea out sometimes etc. But it’s hard work and I so want to make sure I’m not failing them and they are happy and feel safe in their little lives.

i work full time in a senior interesting job. It’s public sector so not very well paid, (pre kids I was always mrs corporate) but I lead a great team and we are get great results. I used to love it but suddenly I don’t. I always go, but sometimes I find it hard to make myself. I get disproportionately distressed by things my boss says and worry myself sick about what are actually small incidents.

Im an only child and have a very elderly father that lives handy and I feel responsible for. He was always lovely, but he’s difficult these days.

I can’t really go out just for me, as I don’t have much disposable income after everything and have no support. A paid “babysitter” is possible and we have a lovely few, but it’s an expensive luxury so not often and anyway, once Im home, made dinner, spent time with the trips or taken them to sport or music etc and checked in on dad (by phone or in person) Im ready for bed!! Radnom people always ask me why I don’t go on line to meet a bloke. Can’t think of anything worse, I hardly see the kids as it is and any spare time I want to spend with them or see my long-standing lovely real friends.

im (irrationally) very afraid of illness. I had a cancer exploration procedure last month, it was fine thank goodness but I didn’t tell anyone and the stress was overwhelming. But I just went back to work the next day, smiled and got on with it.

my proverbial mothers load is huge and weighing me down, this sadness and anxiety is overwhelming and I long to be the happy laughing capable person I was a few years ago.

any ideas to get over this?

Do you think you could be perimenopausal?

Absolutely - am already on hrt. I do think this (rationally) is part of it. Doesn’t help me fix it though. Wish it would. Thanks xx

Have you thought about talking to a doctor? I sometimes feel like this

Sorry to hear you do too. Is it something doctors can help with? Didn’t really feel like a dr thing. But maybe I should. X

you say the sadness and anxiety is overwhelming so I would definitely speak to a doctor. Have you got a history of depression at all? It does seem like you have a lot on your plate too.

No I’ve never had depression or anxiety, slwsys just been able to “cheer myself up and get on with it” Happily travelled the world - now Im irrationally worried about going to Tesco!

Hi, I’m sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I feel like this sometimes and it’s completely normal and actually good because it shows you’re compassionate and willing. I feel you need to actually take some credit for yourself. My only child is 15 and I don’t get as much time as we did when she was younger but I put that down her having her own hobbies and interests. You shouldn’t feel like you’re failing them they will know mum is busy providing for them/caring for grandad and also try to find her own happiness whether that’s you doing your own hobbies or a man, luckily for them they have each other also. Remember, you need to prioritise yourself from time to time and not feel guilty about it.

Anxiety can get worse and worse, definitely speak to someone and see what they suggest. I hope you start to feel a lot better soon x

As for the anxiety, I advise you see your GP. I take beta blockers (Propranolol) to manage my physical symptoms of anxiety such as palpitations, sweating and tremors. I did also use to take anti-depressants for my depression and anxiety, which can work well but they can make you feel worse in the first couple of weeks which is normal and can take up to 6 weeks for them to be fully effective. Hope this helps.

I feel like this too.
Our children are grown up.
I am just waiting until it's time to.pop my clogs , my mum passed away aged 67 , so I assume that I will too.
I like my own company and plod along , I am not depressed , I just can't deal with work and annoying people . I can't wait to get home and empty my house of any clutter .

You have a lot on your plate so it's understandable you feel like this, but it does sound like maybe you should have a chat with a GP. On the plus side, it sounds like you have a lovely family, good job, and a lot going for you :) xx