Husband refuses to move house

[Retiredandhappyat65]

We have a 3 bedroom house with a huge garden. Not in god repair to be honest
As we near retirement I'm worried that both house and especially garden will be too much for us.
Husband not into DIY . I do most of decorating housework etc. He works long hours and i do have more spare time than him to be fair.
He wont move for following reasons. He likes it here. We have pets buried in garden. He's settled.
I want to move because its too much work that needs doing. Local kids play right outside. Stresses me out.

Maybe get an automatic mower for now and revisit the house move when you are both retirement age.

Sounds like your worried about the future rather than the here and now? When things need doing, if you don’t want to do them and he hasn’t got the time, then employ someone to do it.
local kids playing outside seems reasonable, why does it stress you out?

I would push it with him as in my health profession I’ve seen lots of people leave it too late and stay in a home that doesn’t work for them when older . Also your happiness is equally valid

He won't be working long hours when he's retired, and I can't see anything wrong with kids playing nearby. Maybe they'll be old enough to do some gardening when it needs work in a few years.

I totally understand what you mean.

If the maintenance/upkeep of a house becomes to much and a blind eye is turned things can soon fall by the wayside, work starts piling up and it becomes to much/costly to put right.
It becomes a "don't know where to start" so it gets left.

Your DH should at least be up for having a proper discussion about the future which should include putting plans in place of moving, paying for a gardener to help with the garden maintenance and the same with a handyman to help when needed with the house itself.

This happened to my PIL, big 4 bed house, just the two of them living there. Started looking at bungalows a bit halfhearted. Then FIL had a minor stroke followed a few months later by a major stroke that needed surgery to sort out the blockage. He was paralysed down one side for a while and they cursed the whole we should have moved when we were healthy attitude because he now had to deal with stairs at home. He was the gardener and suddenly he couldn't do that. Recovery was hard and long.

He never fully recovered to where he was before. Sadly MIL then got diagnosed with cancer which totally shocked everyone. She died, FIL didn't want to stay in the house as every wallpapered wall, every carpet just reminded him of them choosing it all together. Rushed into buying a bungalow which he was unhappy in and he moved again. He found making the decisions alone very difficult.

Look at moving whilst you are both still able. Stroke and death occurred early to mid 60s for my PIL.

I can totally identify with this, OP. We are empty nesters, and I'd been telling DH for years that we didn't need a 4 bedroom house. He even maintained that a smaller house wouldn't cost less to run! When I finally persuaded him to move I had to do all the decluttering, planning, and packing by myself whilst he was in a foul mood for 7 months. The day we moved to our 2 bedroom cottage in a village he said it was like being in a holiday cottage and he loved it instantly. He even gave me a card later in which he apologised for being a *&÷× (in his word) when we were moving.

Not everyone has the money to employ someone.

YANBU OP, it sounds like moving would be a good thing for you.

Are you both working full time?

Thanks for replies. Will keep discussing.
I stress with the kids because of the noise. They keep coming up my drive. Parents don't care. They damaged a neighbours car and parents just shrugged and said that's kids for you.
Id love a bungalow. Husband doesn't like them .
We cant afford to pay people to do work around the house sadly.

Are you the OP with a different name?

Yes.i changed name as I had a nasty troll

Stick to one device OP so you don’t appear as two people with different usernames.
I sympathises about the house. I would love a bungalow and am madly decluttering in the hope that something suitable comes on the market.

What is it about bungalows your DH doesn't like?
If moving to a flat they're typically on one floor anyway.

But it shouldn't be all about what he wants, compromise is something he needs to learn.

You didn't need to change names you can block the trolls.

I wanted to move for different reasons to you op and dh didn’t want to, I was so unhappy that in the end I told him I was leaving the house not him just the house and he was welcome to come with me. We sold the house a year later, that was 10 years ago, now I’m looking at us downsizing and future proofing so a bungalow with a smaller garden etc. Dh is again dragging his heels so I’ve asked him, give me a timeline as a compromise, I’ve agreed we’ll stay for 2 more years.

In the meantime we’ve had a drive to various areas to get a feel for where we’d like to be and the type of property so we have a plan. It’s difficult when one of you doesn’t want to move but even with compromises you both need to be happy.