To think it’s weird my manager said I’m “too calm for her liking?”

[YourJadeLion]

I had a 1:1 with my manager recently and she told me I’m “too calm for her liking.” I was a bit taken aback, I’m professional, meet deadlines, get on with my work and don’t cause drama. Apparently, she wants more “energy” or “vibe” or something… but I’m not in sales or events and I don’t see why being calm is suddenly a negative.

AIBU to think that saying someone is “too calm” sounds like a personal preference, not professional feedback? Or is this just modern corporate code for “you don’t kiss enough arse?”

It does sound more personal than professional.

As though she's saying you don't bring your personality to work.

I hope you pointed out that it has nothing to do with your work if indeed it hasn't?

That’s how it felt. I kept thinking my personality isn’t part of my job description. I deliver what I’m meant to and calmly at that. Not sure why that’s suddenly a problem.

Put it in writing, see her squirm. Following our 1-2-1 you mentioned xxx, can I just request clarification.... 🤣

“too calm for her liking.”
Please give her bit of 'be careful what you wish for' ...

Nothing worse than vague feedback. She sounds like a rubbish boss! Ask her for specific examples of what she means and exactly why it’s not to her liking and why she believes this to be an issue for how you are performing.

The older I get the more I genuinely hate the concept of work..

Oh God. She sounds like a bit of a twat. What is your job role?

I was tempted to say that

I always try to maintain calm at work and I've had a manager ask for more enthusiasm

I suspect that's what she means, she doesn't want you coming in saying that someone made you cry in the sandwich shop

She's basically asking for a bigger fake smile and more Tigger bounce

Incredibly annoying.

if you get weird feedback always, always ask for examples. Specific examples of when something was a problem.

It helps train managers out of this kind of nonsense if they are going to be called on it.

Ugh! What the hell does that mean?!

All the lively zany people always have an opinion on the quieter calmer folk, don’t they? I would email her and say you’ve reflected on what she said and are a bit confused. Get her to clarify and give some examples. It might make her think before she opens her gob next time.

Ironically, I do work in events - I run tech at them, and I know my calmness when the kit is misbehaving (mid-event on occasion) is very much valued. Definitely ask for specific examples.

It depends on the role but it does sound a bit irrational and like she is finding reasons to put you down. Is it a job you love? It would make me start to keep an eye out for similar jobs as I once had a nutty line manager who used to nit pick and try and find fault with everyone and honestly it is toxic working with people like that!

If you are working in festivals, theatre, promotions or things that involve being super excited and enthusiastic about your work I could see how being calm and maybe showing less big emotions might not be ideal but for the vast majority of jobs being calm is an asset. Even in festivals, events etc… the bubbly bouncy nature can’t be all there is to you as you need people to be calm and quick on their feet when things go wrong.