MIL and attitude towards children

[Winderwall]

Has anyone else experienced this?

I recently took my children to see my MIL. We have a good relationship.

I’ve always been aware she prefers babies and toddlers. She absolutely loved it when my children were babies and she could push them around in a pram/buggy. Her interest started to drop off by the time they started school My children are now 6, 8 and 10.

Yesterday I had to sit through looking at baby/toddler photos whilst she made comments like “Oh look at them, it’s so sad, it makes me feel so sad, they’re gone now, they’re gone” I find it really unsettling and it really upsets me. My children haven’t gone anywhere, they haven’t died! They’re here! They’re wonderful children with great personalities. Most parents and grandparents love the baby/toddler years but the years that follow can also be wonderful.

They’re still only 6, 8 and 10.

She is wistful for those years I guess. I would have just laughed and said they haven’t gone anywhere MIL, they are right here and moved the conversation on.

What did you say to her?

I would have told her that no, they're not gone, they're in the kitchen/living room/wherever they were at the time. I certainly wouldn't have entertained that nonsense. If she kept it up, I'd have left.

Look at the posts on here. Lots of mothers mourn the baby stage. Not me as that’s the bit I hated! It will pass. It’s a bit insensitive of her to say it to you, maybe she thought you had a great relationship that she could be honest with you about her fleeting feelings?

Usually, people like your MIL aren’t fans of people in general: once children have outside influences, their own opinions and can express themselves, they cease to be under full adult control, and are therefore of no use to your MIL.

Just respond with, ‘I’m enjoying every stage, they’re great humans’ and shut down any nonsense.

She was expressing her feelings, and fairly common ones at that. Lots of people mourn the 'baby' days. It's really nothing to get worked up about.

That would be fair enough if it wasn't for the fact she has no interest in them now they are past the baby stage.