DH postgrad medical exams

[clinellwipe]

A post to ask how medical couples/families survive Royal college membership exams …

DH is prepping for his FRCA final viva so fourth set of exams over the last 4 years. In the last four years we’ve had 2 children - a 4 year old with SEN and a 6 month old baby.

I left medicine after doing an ‘F4’ year. I’m not working (I know I’m lucky). We live 2.5 hours from any family support due to the whole merry go round of moving around the UK.

during his revision seasons he revises 8am-8pm on days off work, and all evening on days he’s at work. The last day off from revision he had was in September - ie the last day he helped’ with parenting was in September. He revises HARD, he does this for many months in advance and luckily it’s always paid off as he has passed every exam first time round.

the price is that I’m drowning in running the household , the kids (breastfeeding baby, keeping 4yo regulated) etc etc. 4yo only goes to nursery 3 mornings a week as he gets overwhelmed. It’s really REALLY hard not to resent him.

I’m not trying to do a husband bashing thread, just trying to understand how you cope if you or your partner are doing these exams? Does it cause upset in your households? Do I just not get it because I never did the post grad exams? Hoping that he passes this set of exams so we can try to be a family again because it feels so disconnected right now…

I strongly disagree with this. The idea that children and a career in medicine are incompatible just isn't true. Yes, it's not always easy but there are ways to make it work (thinking about work life balance when it comes to choosing a specialty, going less than full time etc). There are pinch points like exams but that doesn't mean that you get to opt entirely out of family life. I say this as a doctor currently revising for my final professional exams and married to a surgeon who has completed his.

I'd also argue that perhaps some of the reasons your friends had so many problems is because of the attitude that the job comes first - certainly not something to be proud of. Throwing away your physical and mental health and family relationships for the job is not worth it - especially when the job comes with the working conditions and hostility faced by many resident and consultant doctors (and that's if there's even a training job to get).