Year 11 sleepovers - AIBU to check with the parents?

[beulaballbreaker]

If my DC tells me they are going to sleep over at a friend’s house, I still check in with the parents. Just a quick “x says they’ll be staying at yours, thanks for having them” etc etc.

I do trust DC, but at the same time I remember being 15/16 and definitely not being where my DM thought I was! They are also at the age now where they are experimenting with alcohol which adds another layer of anxiety, for me anyway.
Last night, I ended up either a group of kids at my house. Fine. But none of the parents contacted me about it. I know some of the parents but not all. I find that really odd, as they are all still young. Most of them are 15 still.

Am I being silly and the overprotective one?

I’ve had two dc through secondary school and I didn’t have any contact details for any of their friends parents. So no. I just trusted them that they were telling me the truth.

We do both take our phones to bed when they are out and they know that they can call is and we will come. They are 19 and 21 now but that still applies!

Yanbu.

A 'sleepover' with more than one friend means 'go out drinking on the sly' or at worst sexual shenanigans.

One friend stopping over is staying up late watching movies and chatting about who you fancy.

So find out how many bodies

I am with you! I would ask for the parents details and address where they are staying & have some communication beforehand. I am probably more paranoid due to the job i do but we have no idea what other adults our children will be exposed to so important to get as much info as possible.

So far, DC has happily complied with my rules of getting a parent’s phone number for me if they want to stay with someone who’s family I don’t know. They know if they don’t, I’ll say no!

A girl at our school got pregnant on a year 11 (or 5th year back then) sleepover at her best mate's house. The father was her married older brother! I would always want to check who is also sleeping at the house at 15.

An honest chat with your DD is in order. It would include alcohol advice ie what an actual shot of vodka is and measure that out with her with a measuring spoon, pour it into a glass so she can see how little that really is.

Explain what alcohol units are, talk about peer pressure and that if she fucks up she can come to you and you will help solve whatever it is. She doesn't need the riot act read to her, she would know she has messed up but needs to know you have her back and will pick her up at 3am if she feels unsafe. They can always fake a headache and Ds did do this when everyone was pissed doing shots at a get together at a house on an afternoon.

You want to try to foster an open relationship where you can talk to her about friendships, good decisions, safe sex, consent, tracking her periods, what to do if she thinks she might be pregnant. This in turn may help her help one of her friends in any situation too.

Yep. Absolutely. And when I dropped dd off, I would go and introduce myself to the parents if they weren’t part of the regular crowd.