DH will not talk about death - ever

[Puskiesauce]

OK, I think this is weird.

Mine and DH's parents (both sets divorced, with partners) are all in their eighties. Some in better health than others.

He absolutely refuses to discuss anything in relation to them dying. Nothing about any wishes, organising or anything that recognises they may not be here for ever - will get up and leave the room rather than say a word or listen to anything.

I think you can only really talk about this when people are still alive otherwise how do you know what they will want? What if you have questions - it's too late then??

AIBU?

Who are starting, or attempting to start, these conversations? The elderly parents, or you?

I agree it's odd, and potentially unhelpful going forward. It also suggests he might struggle when the inevitable happens.

If you want to know their wishes so badly, why can't you ask them?

If you're talking about what he might want after his own death, then you have to accept it isn't something he wishes to discuss now or perhaps ever. Then you'll have to do whatever you and/or your kids want.

Well, it's his family so I'm not sure why you'd raise the topic of his parents dying? Surely if they want him to know their wishes, they will tell him?

Some people find talking about death very difficult, it's not unusual. I'd leave it alone and respect his choice.

I think you have to respect that not everyone is comfortable with talking about death.

Also it's very likely your dh parents have arrangements in place and if they dont you have to trust your dh and his family to deal with it. Just as you will be involved in your own family arrangements.

Apart from knowing they had wills and where they were, we didn’t chat about my parents’ deaths with them. I think it’s pretty weird to do so.

Same here, my parents are 81 and 87, I know they have wills and where they are and that me and my brother are Executors.

As far as funerals are concerned, Christ knows what they want. If father goes first, mother should know what he wants (I’m sure it’ll involve the bloody Masons, grrrr!!) and if mother goes first, me and my brother will sort something.

MIL was the same “you just want me gone “
Luckily FIL oversaw everything when she went. No idea on what he wants though, I assume DH and his brother know.
DM very different, organised her own funeral down to flowers and colours.
Made life much easier for us when she went.
You can only do your family and your own wishes. You may need to bypass him with your own wishes and speak to any children you may have or pre arrange what you want now.