Help on how to approach a neighbour situation

[Whatisthisallabout1]

Background my neighbour is a very experienced and highly recommended builder. My husband has huge mental health issues which go up and down. We decided to have a new kitchen, old one is 60 years old and it’s a back to brick type situation. We asked our neighbour to do the work for us. The issue is my husband wanted to help and he spent all day telling the neighbour how to do his job - which the neighbour wore well. The wheels have came off and my husband is hyper fixed about job not being done right ect, spending hours researching aspects. We have put the neighbour off now by saying we will get back to him about progressing. I have reached the point that this is one mental breakdown too many and I want to just employ a company to come in and do the work that my husband can be removed from. We will then separate as my life is miserable with him. My issue is how to I approach the neighbour- what do I say, how do I explain. I will owe him funds for work already done, even though it will be being redone. I’m mortified and embarrassed.

As long as you pay the builder for the work he has done I can't see an issue. I imagine he will be very relieved to be let go. Speaking as someone who has a dad who sounds like your husband and caused no ends of issues being overly involved with the builder on his new house build.

Even if he isn't aware of your dh's mental health struggles, he clearly realises he is a pain in the arse when it comes to the building work.
I would be entirely honest with him and tell him you cannot get your husband to back off, it is affecting his mental health, you think the solution is to employ someone he isn't familiar/comfortable with in the hope he takes a step back.

Also I don't think the neighbour will hold it against you at all - your husband won't be the first client he has had like this! Just say your DH has decided to go a different direction, thank him for everything to date and ask for a final bill.

I'd just come clean with the neighbour. Tell him that DH is having challenges staying out of the works/letting go of control and that you fear it will cause issues for neighbourly relationships and you really don't want to fall out over it. That you realise this is a bit messing him around and you're sorry but can you pay him for work done to date and call it a day.

I'd be honest with your neighbour and tell him your husband is struggling with mental health problems and is fixating on the building work so you just want to leave it for now and thank him for what he's done so far, then pay him fairly for the work he's completed. He'll probably be glad to get away!

Explain it as you have here, pay him what you owe and I'd imagine, if he's a decent person which it sounds like he is, he will be fine about it.
Would it be possible to go away somewhere while the bulk of your kitchen is being fitted? Remove your husband from the situation entirely.

Thanks all. I will try and catch my neighbour this week. I am also broaching the subject of getting a team in to my husband it’s not going well. I find his behaviour so unhinged and it’s honestly the last straw.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I think being completely straightforward about it will feel like a relief.

So neighbour has not been round as they had to move onto another job. I have been in contact with another builder who starts tomorrow. The issue is neighbour has chapped door as seen materials being delivered and I just panicked and fumbled. Just said we aren’t doing anything just now as husbands mental health is bad and that we are getting it to a point we can move the kitchen delivery out of the living room. I offered 3 times to pay him what owed. But I wasn’t clear enough and he walked away saying just let me know when to come back. Now husband is raging as new builder coming tomorrow. I will need to go round tonight and explain/ pay but what do I say now.

you say what you said here: that your husband can'T handle that the neighbour is doing it and trying to control the work. That you don't think it's fair on neighbour and that you will pay for all the work done up to now by him.

Tell him that you have contracted people your husband doesn't know in the hope he will leave them in peace.

But.
Your neighbour may have been counting on the money for the rest of the job (and already have materials)
Your husband needs to be kept away from the builders until the job is finished

It’s done and a relief, my neighbour was not happy someone else brought in and we have messed him about but that’s understandable. All I could do was pay and apologise. Think things will be frosty going forward - but I can breathe again.