So fed up - know its over but need to do something

[Kpopprincess88]

Dh and I have been together nearly 20 years, married with 2 school ages DC (8 and 5)

Dh is becoming more and more intolerant of people, especially me as it seems. He constantly has to put me down, moan about things I do, says things that when I then do what he says tries to tell me its not what he says.

Today has been a classic example. I was struggling to park at the shops and instead of helping or just staying quiet and letting me get on with it, I was called stupid/retarded/various other names

He also doesn't support me in various ways I WFH 3 days a week and he goes to the office. He finishes earlier than me so generally will cook dinner a couple of days a week. If I am not logged off dead on 5pm when I finish, there will be a million sarcastic comments about how I prefer work to my family. He tries to get me to finish work early and says no one will notice (they will)

I was in the office the other day and was on the phone on my way home to my parents so didn't get chance to call and tell him where I was (he knows I am usually home by 6pm with thr commute) when I got in I got a lecture about how selfish I am not to call and should have hung up on my parents to tell him (I would tell him if I was going to be late but I wasn't)

I have also been accepted into the London Marathon next year and I stead of being supportive and talking about it all the comments i've had is i am too fat to even think about it and its something else that takes away time I could be spending with him. Where as he goes to football every weekend pretty much for between 5-9 hours

Not sure the point of this and If you have made it to the end well done

Sounds like a horrendous man and the sooner you leave him the better. Your children are listening to that thinking it’s ok. What are you thinking for next steps?

You've already said it yourself, it's over.
You need to leave him, he's a controlling bully.
You don't have to put up with his disgusting ways.
I wish and your children a better life away from him!

YANBU he sounds intolerable! I escaped a marriage like this a few years back and leaving him was the best thing I ever did. Better for our DS too as he doesn’t have to be around all the bad feeling. Even if there’s no arguing kids do pick up on the tension.

He's disgusting. You deserve better ❤️

He'a revolting isn't he? Does he degrade you in front of your children? And the R word? Awful.

It sounds over - you and your kids deserve better. Do you have support from family?

Sounds like you both need to put some work in to bring the relationship back to its happier days - if that's what you want?

The R word isn't even the worse word he says unfortunately

Meant to add it has now got the point that my eldest copies a lot of what he says, albeit she is joking but he is still encouraging her to be better than mummy and not as thick as mummy etc

He sounds absolutely awful, and some of the stuff you’ve described is “un-pull-roundable”. I start to plan my exit and work out a timetable for doing it, and stick to it.

I escaped one of these - best thing i ever did. And best thing for my dcs too.

It took a lot of therapy for me to recognise that this is pure abuse. And the not phoning thing, and the wanting you off your computer at 5pm is control.

It will only get worse, please make a plan to get out now.

Well done on your marathon place. Don't let your partner bully you out of fabulous experience

He is a dreadful, controlling bully.

Tell him to fuck off, and mean it.

Now this has affected your child you need to make things different.

What do you now want? I’d be tempted to ask him if it’s a divorce he is after. I would get the ball rolling, if not, he stops this shit now.

I’d be speaking to a divorce lawyer anyway, find out your position and get the paperwork sorted - you need to protect yourself.

This actually breaks my heart. You are being abused and he's using your children against you. Please leave this horrible man. Have you family you can speak to. What would you tell a friend to do.

What a nasty man.

It sounds like he's pushing you so that you'll end it so that he can feel like the wounded party.

I'd be giving him fair notice, his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

He’s horrible.

Loose him asap.

What a horrible man. He certainly doesn’t love and care about you. Don’t waste another day of your life with him. Sorry to say, but you can’t fix this, just get out and don’t look back.

After a big bust up tonight I tried to apologise even though it wasn't actually my fault. He has refused to apologise to me despite calling me the C word and various others in front of the kids

There’s always one🙄

Get him gone. Life after he’s gone will be sooo much better.

He doesn’t like you. And never will.

This sounds awful, OP; especially now the children are copying him. Time for an exit plan.

He's a nasty bully. Stop apologising to him when it's not your fault and start making a plan to leave. No-one should put up with being call led the C word or R word by someone who is supposed to love them! You do not deserve this life OP and nor do your children. What a horrific example he is setting them.

Please call Women's Aid and get help and support. You need to leave this abusive pig.

Really? 🙄 get a fucking grip!

You're right OP, it's definitely OVER! So the sooner you take action to get you and your children away from this nasty, disrespectful man, the better. Would your parents be able to help with accommodation, etc., until you find somewhere permanent?