To feel guilty about spending money on myself

[Strangedillemma]

I grew up quite poor with dad having no job in a third world country. Did university, got into tech and moved to UK decades ago. Between me and DH, we have built a decent life. My parents didn't spend anything on themselves as money was so so tight and there was no spare ever, we had days when we just had very little food. It was very hard and traumatic.

I am now in 30s and earning over 70k, now that I have some spare money, I try to buy a few nice things here and there from M&S or shop from some nice stores but I feel extremely guilty about it as if I should be saving it all.

I really want to go out and eat at nice restaurants with friends but I tend to pass the offers of going out. I want to go out more and enjoy life but I feel like I am wasting money. It's so exhausting and anything I buy thinking that I dreamt of for long time end up giving me more stress than joy. My DH had similar background but not as much hardship and he is a saver as well, which doesn't helps to explain to him how I feel.

Is this normal, has anyone else felt this way? Can anyone relate and what to do?

I also constantly feel sad about my parents who never got to enjoy life and one of them passed away.

Can you try and rationalise your spending/ saving so that you have a regular saving habit and another pot entirely that is for you? Eating out, going to interesting places, having nice things are all important. If the spending pot was clearly labelled you might feel more easy about using it?

I would even argue that the ‘extras’ are a form of self development that could help you to become even more successful.

Thanks for the suggestion. After paying all bills, the money just stays in my account. I need to allocate it into named pots I think.

going out with friends and treating yourself are all important aspects of living life, these hints all help crest memories.

there is no point working hard and not spending any money….just incase,

we were quite poor growing up as my father died when I was tiny and my mum was left alone with 2 really young children, we didn’t have many treats but my mum wanted to create memories with us which included holidays to caravan parks and days out places.

life is for living, make a monthly budget that you are happy spending and have those days out, treat yourself and make memories.

I have two young DC and I invest for them and invest some money for myself. I just don't know why I feel I have a strange relationship with money due to my upbringing.