What will your mum say?

[Dacatspjs]

I know I'm a bit grumpy at the moment, but was out in a cafe this morning and there was a dad and daughter at the table next to me. Little girl wanted a cake, and dad said no, you've already had sweets after ballet. Fine. Little girl asked again at which point he said "no because I'll have to tell your mum and what will she say?"

There was then a bit of back and forth about well just don't tell mum etc. I was just getting so pissed off on behalf of this poor woman who isn't even there being made to play the bad guy. FFS just grow a pair and tell your kid that she isn't allowed cake because YOU don't want her to have it/ or your rules say so. Don't blame the poor mum!!!

Possibly divorced and he’s harangued by ex whenever child is with him about what he feeds her

i thought the same. Why is it ‘poor mum’ op? Do you automatically always assume the mother/woman is always hard done by?

Why are you a “bit grumpy” at the moment?

Bit weird that you've created a whole fantasy narrative around a comment made by a stranger. The mum could be a control freak and would create merry hell over having cake for all you know.

Hormones. Sensitive maybe more than grumpy

Because either he agrees with the mum in which case don’t blame her. Or he doesn’t in which case make your own bloody parenting decisions and have that conversation with your partner/ex, rather than making it their fault to a small child.

Dont think so, the chat went along the vein of just don't tell mum, and his response was me and mummy don't keep secrets from eachother.

Or maybe mum
shouldn’t set stupid rules and expect dad to obey or feel he has to lie /hide it

Exactly this.

Probably because mum has decided what child has to eat and dad disagrees but isn't given any say in the matter. He knows a brownie won't hurt as a treat but mum will lose her shit at him when she inevitably gets told by daughter.

If it was the other way round, you'd be concerned for the mum saying "ok but don't tell daddy". But it's not so yeah sure, poor mummy being blamed for everything!

Well don’t let this overheard snapshot piss you off further

Huh? That doesn’t make sense

I dunno, I feel like "pack it in or I'll tell your mum/dad" is a parenting trope as old as time. It's not the healthiest thing in the world but I also don't think it's worth ruminating on to this extent. Every parent has resorted to something that wouldn't be found in a "good parenting" book at some point.

I'd stop letting the mundane minutiae of other people's days piss you off OP, humans are annoying, you'll be perpetually pissed off if you let them get to you.

It’s easier to make mum “bad cop” than to take responsibility for the decision and just say no. I agree, I’d have rolled my eyes too.

The child wanted to keep it a secret?

Have I stumbled on sexistmennet or something?

Yes it does

Child: ”can I have a cake”
Dad: ”no, mum will be cross”
C: ”just don’t tell mum”
D: ”we don’t have secrets from each other”

Hmmmm. Dunno.

When i'm running out of patience with DD4s sassy ness i do sometimes say ''i'll tell your dad!!''

DH is in fact a big softie and spoils her rotten - she wouldn't want anything to spoil this so that particular threat does tend to work ...

Glad to hear that they don't keep secrets from each other.

There's ever possibility though they could still be separated and the DM wants the DF to sound like the bad guy as he's the one having to refuse the DC's request for cake.

Either way as he's the one doing the picking up maybe the mother needs to let the father make a decision as to whether he and the DC enjoy a post ballet slice of cake with their drink and time spent together.

Hard agree. Shit and useless man.

Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with that…
‘the fact that he respects his wife wishes while absent and remind this to his DD when asked not to tell…is a good thing.

I am absolutely gobsmacked by your interpretation of their family life with the cues you had and I think something else is going on.

Loool

daddys girls are the best!