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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How much have you changed as you've got older?

27 replies

ToadMan · 07/11/2025 17:55

I've just turned 40, married with kids. My husband is - without doubt - a sexist. If i talk about issues at work - he will make jokes about my female colleagues being on their period and he says distasteful things about women on tv. He gets mad when I question him.

I have known him for 15 years - married for 8. I don't know why i don't hate him - i just am totally disintersetd in him. I am disinterested in all men. I no longer get my attention and I am so happy wihth that - i used to LIVE for male attention. If I don't have sex every again - that would be fine with me.

I feel like a totally different person to how I was 15 years ago. I can't believe what i used to put up with. When i look back, every man in my life - from my father, to my brothers, to every boyfriend - I have acted in a way to please them, pretended to be stupid to make them feel better, adapted myself to appear 'cool'. I have put up with some horrendous & abusive stuff.

I'm not like that anymore. My husband says Ive changed and i'm cold and awful these days. Maybe I am. I just am not intersted in him and his moods. I couldn't care less anymore what he thinks about me.

I just wondered if other people feel this change so much? Sorry not to like a therapy session. But I just wonder if people go through this? Is this a mid life crisis? It doesn't feel like a crisis - it feels like i was in crisis beforehand!

How do people stay in happy relationships their whole life if we change so much?

OP posts:
Shadesofscarlett · 08/11/2025 09:34

you deserve better than him i can guarantee that. He sounds hideous.

I am old enough to no longer care what people think and no longer waste my time on people who think little of, or share differing views, to me.

ToadMan · 08/11/2025 10:08

@muddymommy amazing! That sounds divine. Sometimes I realise I dont even know what I like....I had no hobbies, I doy even know what food I like as my husband insists on doing the weekly food shop and I just eat whatever is around. My clothes are a mess. My house is boring as thats what H think is practical. My kids are v young so feel v difficult to leave. But good on you. Freedom!

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