To not want another baby

[tallyh]

I’m 6 months post partum with first baby and I’m almost certain I don’t want another. DH and I always discussed wanting 2 DC, but after a fairly traumatic birth and finding the adjustment to motherhood hard, I think I’m happy with just the one. I haven’t said this to DH yet as I think he will be crushed as he has always wanted two. Am I being unfair? I would find it easy to love another child but I’m too frightened to go through birth and the newborn stage again.

I felt like you for two years after I had DS. I am now pregnant with number 2 BUT it is totally valid and reasonable to decide to stick at one! Perhaps it’s a conversation you can open up now without needing to reach a firm decision immediately? Your feelings may or may not change over the next year or two - either is fine, but I think it’s important to be open to either outcome.

You shouldn’t even be thinking of having another right now. Your body hasn’t even healed. You don’t have to tell your husband anything.

I would suggest 6 months afterwards is maybe too soon to make a final decision, everything is still fresh in your mind and life is still tough with 6 month old, things get easier and you might change your mind. My SIL felt exactly the same after complicated birth, she eventually had another child 6 years later which was more straight forward birth and she said she wished she had the 2nd ealier, but was just scared after the first.

At 6 months post partum I wouldn't take much notice of what my thoughts/feelings were on this.

It's only been 6 months! You don't even need to start thinking about it yet.

But, no, no one is unreasonable for deciding they don't want another child - male or female.

Not the same but I am pregnant and it’s been such a difficult pregnancy, with HG and hospital admissions, I’m 99% sure I can’t do it again. I have spent weeks unable to function and been housebound since August.

DH and I have already discussed sticking at one because we’ve had to move my mum in to look after me while he went back to work (he took annual leave but didn’t have enough for how long I have been struggling for).

I think pregnancy/birth/newborn experiences are all valid reasons to stick to one. I am sure your husband will understand after seeing how difficult the birth etc was for you.

6 months in is too soon do make a final decision on this.
Park it for now and have another think in 12 months. Then another one in 2 years if that suits you.
See how you both get on as your baby grows.

I felt like this when I had DS (10 months) due to a similarly difficult pregnancy, birth and newborn stage, despite always thinking I wanted two children.

I started feeling like I might want a second a couple of months ago, then when I actually really thought about it, I realised I just wanted to have my baby all over again rather than a whole new baby, as it’s gone so fast 🥲

One and done club! 🤝

I felt like you after a traumatic birth and DS not being an easy baby.

He is nearly 12 now and still our only child 😊 DH was happy either way and despite a birth debrief, promised elective section for 2nd and time, I just couldn't do it again.

Of course, you may be different but just to reassure you, we have no regrets about not having another and love our family of 3.

I don't think you need to put any more thought in to another DC right now. I think most women would dread the thought of having another baby when they were 6 months postpartum . See how you feel when DC is 2 and discuss it with DH then.

Of course, not especially as you are, the one who has to carry the baby.

If the sexes were reversed, though, you d be told to leave your husband and find someone who wanted another baby.And break up your family.

There's always such double standards on these threads

I felt the same as you and never ever did it again! It was a relief to realise I was one and done, and that it was OK.

I felt the same after my first I would have been happy to have a hysterectomy after delivering him but in time I felt different and now have 3 children.

Totally normal to not want another baby right now, and that might never change. But there’s just no need to even discuss it right now, never mind make a final decision, everything is still so brand new so I’d avoid potentially putting your marriage at risk over it. Let the dust settle and enjoy your baby, make the decisions when they’re older.

Your DH isn't the one risking his health or actual life pushing another human out of his body. Or having stitches or stretch marks, or getting cracked nipples breastfeeding. And in all probability he won't even be the major caregiver. Put like that, I think your terms and conditions are pretty non-negotiable OP.

I found the birth, newborn and pre school years incredibly tough. We stuck at 1 child. No regrets 10 yrs later

although your husband might be disappointed, upset even, he is NOT the one who has to bear the brunt of all of this so don’t have another to appease him. He might surprise you and actually be glad that you only want one!

Perhaps let a bit of time go by before making a decision. It really is very early days yet.

My second pregnancy and birth were much easier ... but that was me.

If you haven’t spoken to DH yet he might not be crushed if you suggested not having a second baby. The situation changes for dads too when the LO arrives. He may be feeling the same watching you have a traumatic birth and you both having to adjust to parenthood with a difficult baby. 6 months Post partum is still very early and you don’t have to make a final decision now , but until you have spoken to DH you actually don’t know how crushed he would be.

It’s easy to talk about wanting a set number of DC pre having a child , but many people change their minds once they experience the reality of being responsible for a little person / people. Be kind to yourself and give yourself space it’s not a binding decision which needs to be taken now.

OP, it's early days.

If you asked all mums, 6 months post partum, if they wanted another one, a huge number would say not a chance.

Give it another two years, full recovery, an end to nappies, sleepless nights and , bf, and a lot of them, including you, may change your mind.

Give yourself time to heal and rest.

I don’t think you need to decide now but if you want to talk about your feelings go for it. You might feel different in a year but you might not.

I felt like this for 8 years after my first, it takes time to recover emotionally from a traumatic birth. I'm now pregnant with my second. Remember its alright to give it time and take time to think about it but you know what if years go past and you decide you don't want another? Thats alright too just make sure you communicate how you feel to your partner, he might be upset and that's alright but you 100% should not feel like you have to bring more babies into the world if you do not wish to.